Corrupted Nostalgia: 8 Reasons Captain Planet Is The Lamest Superhero Ever

Corrupted Nostalgia: 8 Reasons Captain Planet Is The Lamest Superhero Ever

When it comes to awful environmental superheroes, there few
lamer than Captain Planet. If you have to ask why this is the case, I
can only assume you're not too familiar with Captain Planet, because
let me tell you: Dude has got some obvious issues.

But I think my favorite thing about
Captain Planet is the ease with which he can ridiculed. For indeed, so
lame is he, that one does not even need to actively "make fun" of him
or his
show, because simply listing various facts about him is enough to send
most people into fits of derisive laughter. This makes it extremely easy for a writer as lazy as I am to craft a decent article about him, which I do appreciate a great deal.
 
So here are just eight (of the oh so many) reasons
that Captain
Planet is the crappiest, lamest, most utterly worthless "superhero" ever.

20 Photographs Of Things With Which I Have Filled This Article

20 Random Photos I Have Chosen To Fill Space In This Article - Angel Hitting Yourself

Apparently it's supposed to be the beginning of a new year or
something, so I figured now is as good a time as any to get rid of all
the excess photos I gathered throughout 2010 and never used due to the
fact that they were too abstract and/or stupid because seriously how
the hell was I ever supposed to fit a picture of a guy chewing on a
large board (see below) into an article?

Also, I have no sources for any of these images, so
if one of these pictures "belongs" to you and you feel like you want to
be credited for
it, send me a vaguely threatening email about it and I'll try to sort
it out.

But for now: Some pictures of things.

Web Detritus (Week of 12.26.10)

Lost DalmationA
haphazard collection of cool links, interesting infographics, upsetting
videos, and a whole lot of other random
crap from all corners of the internet.
 

This week: Enraged Children Shouting, The Successful 10 Year
Decriminalization of Drugs, How To Debate A Christian, The Best
Charities In America, Bad Science In Sci-Fi Movies, Scratch-Off Parking
Tickets, and 50 Fascinating (If Useless) Facts You Probably Did Not
Know.

FAQ: The Wonderful & Somewhat Pedophilic World Of Manga

FAQ: Everything You've Always Wanted To Know About Manga - Anime Kid

Obviously there are plenty of misconceptions out there about Manga, but
this is certainly not uncommon amongst the higher arts. In fact, when
Opera first came on the scene in the early 1600s, it faced many the
same criticisms that manga currently does: "Oh, I can't understand what
is happening," "Why is this so violent?" "Why does every woman have a
huge chest?" "Is it entirely necessary to to portray child rape so
graphically?" and on and on and on.
 
What these manga detractors fail to understand is that, like opera,
manga is simply ahead of its time. It seems clear to me that those who
hate manga are simply too boorish and uncivilized to appreciate such a
sophisticated art form.
 
But enough of this. I've already given these detractors more time than
they
deserve. Let's get on with the questions!

30 Strange & Fascinating Questions Answered By Someone Other Than Me

30 Strange & Fascinating Questions You Never Knew You Wanted Answered - Tree Underwear

I've always been a huge fan of Slate.com's "Explainer" Series.
Its purpose is simple: To answer (sometimes unasked) questions about
various issues that come up in the news or everyday life. These
questions run the gamut from basic trivia questions ("When Did
Prisoners Start Dressing In Orange"), to the taboo or obscene ("What
would happen if you snorted cremated remains", "Are Both Father And
[Adult] Daughter Culpable In Cases Of Incest?") questions you've
probably never allowed yourself to consider.
 
Of course, The
Vast Archive Containing Hundreds Upon Hundreds Of These Questions

is available for your perusal (and I encourage you to do so), but just
in case you don't feel like spending all that time, I've compiled a
list of 30 of the best ones here (without permission, naturally).
 
And if you think linking to a bunch of articles I didn't have anything
to do with is just a cheap way of getting out of having to write
anything: Congratulations, you are right. Welcome to the internet.

Web Detritus (Week of 12.19.10)

Meat LockerA
hastily-assembled collection of interesting links, cool infographics,
top 10 lists, bewildering videos, and much more.
 
This week: The Non Existence Of A Creator, Hippo Autopsies, Handy
Sniper Tips, The Strangely Coherent Wisdom Of Pat Robertson,
Misconceptions About Islam, Lying About Church, And Plenty Of Drugs,
Drugs, Drugs.

FAQ: How To Be A Hugely Irresponsible Parent

FAQ: How To Be A Hugely Irresponsible Parent - Kids In Cage

Having recently "reconnected" with many former highschool classmates
online has led me to make a shocking discovery: Many of them appear to
have chosen to have children. While I understand that the occasional
"slip-up" can (and most certainly does) occur, the idea that two
intelligent adults would conceive a child deliberately is
beyond my comprehension.
 
The only logical explanation I can come up with is that people who have
children purposefully must be mentally deranged in some fashion. For
truly, what possible reason could a rational human being have for
sacrificing eighteen years of freedom, privacy, financial security, and any
semblance of a social life for a few fleeting moments of narcissistic
parental ecstasy, aside from full-on gibbering madness? I definitely
can't think of any.
 
But hey, I'm not supposed to be discussing the pros and cons of
parenting, I'm supposed to be posting a FAQ on how to be a hugely
irresponsible one.
 
So here. Here it is. I hope you're satisfied.

The Christian Guide To Building A Gaming PC

The Christian Guide To Building A Gaming PC Christian Case Mod
Christian Game Review: Fallout New Vegas

The Christmas season has arrived once again, and we all know what that
means...new gaming PCs! As you may well know, providing free tech
support to those in need has always been a favorite pastime of mine,
and seeing as my love of electronic devices is second only to my
distrust of information published by the secular newsmedia, I figured,
heck: What better way to celebrate this season of giving and receiving
than by sliding a thick, bulging tube of good old-fashioned PC advice
into the gaping orifice of your souls!
 
Why a Christian guide to computer assembly? It's fairly simple: While
there are plenty of humanist PC how-to guides out there, these are
little use to those of us who believe that Christ will soon return and
rain fiery vengeance down upon all the blasphemers, homosexuals, and
non-catholic pedophiles of the world, thus cleansing these hedonistic
lands of sin once and for all. We Christians prefer to take advice from
those who share our worldview, that way we can ensure we are doing
things in the godliest way possible.
 
So I hope you will join me as I take an overtly religious look at the
wonderful world of do-it-yourself personal computering.

Web Detritus (Weeks of 12.05.10 & 12.12.10)

Cock + GuyA weekly
collection of cool articles, fascinating links, ridiculous
videos, and a whole bunch of other random internet stuff I felt like
shoving in here.
 
This time around: How Illegal Drugs Can Help You, Why Most TV Specs Are
Complete Bullshit, The Longest Word In The English Language, A Video
Which Will Blow Your Mind, Why Solitary Confinement Is Worse Than
Torture, The Coolest Confidence Tricks & Scams, and An Awesome
underground Bunker I Wish I Lived In.