How to Say No To Drugs - He Man
By Martin "The Baron" Hubley
How to Stay Off Drugs - The BaronAlright kids and teens, here's a little math problem for you: Every day 1 million of people die from doing a drug. half of the population on the earth is children. have you figured out the answer? That's right: Half a million kids die every day because of drugs. Still say smoking on a stick of Mary Jane is "cool"? I thought not.
But even after hearing this shocking stat, some of you might still assume it's OK to take "just one" suck of dope. That it's fine to drink "just one" cup of LSD. A few of you might even believe it's "alright" to just eat "just one" piece of cocaine. But the path to drug addiction is steep as a dragon's brow. Take just one step on it and suddenly you've bought yourself a one-way ticket to losersvilles. One day you're captain of the football group and the next you're on a street corner selling your football champion trophy to buy more meth pills.
So let this article serve as a white-hot newsflash for you, pals and pal-ettes: Every time you smoke, snort, chew, or suck a dangerous drug, you dance the dance of death. And as my dad's inner-city friend Willy Stacks always used to say, "Don't nobody dance forever."


Drugs are illegal substances which hurt your mind, your body, your brain, and your soul. As a child or teen, you've probably come across many drugs before, but probably not all of them, so I'll take a quick second to educate you. Here's a list of a few of the most popular drugs and their effects.

Crack Rock

How to Say No To Drugs - Pube StacheHere is the most dangerous drug, the drug that is tearing apart our city streets and our families. Crack Rock is also responsible for the rise of crack babes. Crack babes are children who are born without certain body parts such as hands, fingernails, or face because their mothers and fathers ate crack rocks while they were pregnant. That's pretty gosh derned horrifying. If you ask me, parents that do this should be put in jail for life. Crack is available in almost any City in the US, but it is banned in Canada & Mexico. Either way, don't mess with it.
So as the old saying goes: "Give a man a fish today and he eats for today. But don't give a man a crack rock today or he'll never learn how."  


What many people do not know is that Heroine (also called Double H, or Meth) is just a refined version of crack rock. Low ranking drug dealers (called snoops) purchase a number of crack rocks and mix them in a pot (with some other special ingredients) to form heroine. Heroine is far stronger than Crack Rock, and is also more expensive. There for it is favored by higher-paid workers such as construction men and exhaust technicians. For this reason, law enforcement does not harass heroine users as aggressively, as most of them are not criming and are a valuable asset to society.

Mystery Mushrooms & LSD

How To Say No To Drugs - LSD TripThese little-known drugs (made from the same substance) are favorites among those who call themselves "Beat Trippers" or "Spicenauts". Once in-jested, the poisonous toxins they contain do a little number on the brain, giving the user terrifying hallucinations. A friend once shared a story with me about a man who took Mystery Mushrooms and suddenly began giggling and whenever someone talked. But not only that, he heard and said all words backwards, so "How are you" came out sounding like "oy erah woah."
Sure, at first this might cause you to share a laugh with your neighbor, but consider this: The change was permanent and he lost his job and drivers license because of it. Not laughing now are you?
Drugs ain't no joke.


This dangerous cocktail of death has been known to take many forms: The "smoke bowl", cigarette, cubes, brownies, and yes, even injection. Those who subject thyself to this frightening drug often complain of loosed bowels, getting woozy, muscular weakness, and rapeism. So it goes without saying that this is one drug you don't want to bring home to momma!


You might be surprised to find out that huffin' (recreational breathing) is not actually even a drug at all! Huffin' is the practice of drinking or breathing-in household chemicals (such as windex, batteries, or carpet samples) to get "Sprung Up" or "Biffed-Off". Not only is this dangerous, it's bad! Just remember: A human being lung is meant to do one thing and one thing only: Inhale oxygen (O2) and exhale carbon monoxide (CO2). The effects of Huffin' might be mostly harmless, but it's just not right to misuse your lungs in this way. Treet ur lungz wif respec!


Hey kids! This section is for moms and dads ONLY, so you can skip down to the next section.
How to Say No To Drugs - Steven SeagalAlright parents, let's get real: In these troubled times, kids are turning to drugs at earlier and earlier ages. I've even heard tell of preschoolers being caught with a car-trunk full of crack in certain inner-city schools. Our little babies dealing! Now that's scary! But we can put a stop to this menace by raising our children right. For example, studies have shown that a child with hobbies is 4% less likely to try a drug, and a child with 2 or more parents is 10% less likely to smoke weed. Here are a few other ways we can limit the number of children trying drugs.
Show them celebrities who don't do drugs. There are plenty of hip celebs out there who have come out against drug use. So why not tell your kids about all the ultra-cool stars and singers who've stayed 100% drug free? Articles and videos produced by the likes of rock-hard action hero Stephen Seagal, butchy singstresses The Dixie Chix, and famous black pop superstar Mary J. Bilge, can help to push troubled teens back into their parent's love-drenched arms.

Tell Em' Flat Out!

Giving a child rope only means he will have more to get hung with. Tell your child in no uncertain terms that ALL DRUGS ARE BAD (NO EXCEPTIONS!). Tell them that by doing a drug (any drug) that they are likely to fall out of a hot air balloon or get brain damage. This may not be true, but children listen sometimes better to absolute statements.
Make sure you follow up by asking the child questions such as "what would you do if someone offered you alcohol at a party" or "are drugs bad?" and listen to their answers. This is a highly effective way of teaching.

How To Say No To Drugs - Gang KidGet 2 Know Their Pals!

If your child is hanging around with boys who wear leather jackets or piercings, confront these children in a private area (such as a closet or shower), give them a hug, and ask them if they would like to purchase a drug from you. If they say yes, you may conduct a citizen's arrest, as purchasing drugs is a felony.

If You Can't Beat Em...

The bottom line is that if he wants to do drugs, he will. You can't stop him. The next best thing to do in these cases is to be around to supervise when he does the drug. Invite your child's friends over, and offer to watch over them while they take the drug. Just be sure to have a first aid kit handy.
If the children ask you to participate as well, you should do it, but safely! Adults are much more responsible and can often handle drugs. The golden rule is to take only ONE THIRD the amount the children are taking. So if they each snort three lines of meth, limit yourself to one. This might sound terrible, but it's better than them licking meth off each other's naughty bits in a dark alley somewhere!

A House of Card

Use as many of these methods as possible to make sure your bouncy baby doesn't end up spreading their legs or lips for a dime of reef-reef. Remember: It takes two to tango: The child, the parent, and the drug. Remove just one item from this equation and the whole house of card comes crashing down.


Even back when I was just a lad, it was though it as "cool" for a teen to take a drug. Even in college I was often called a "loser" or "bitch boobs" because I wouldn't use dangerous drugs like alcohol, laughing gas, or morphine at parties. Needless to say, I always kept my cool by coming back with a snappy retort to put those junkys in their place. And you can bet they respected me for it.
How To Say No To Drugs - Billy GrahamBut I realize not everyone is as adapt to wordplay as I am, so here are a few comebacks that are sure to put that pusher in his place!
  1. No way! You can stick that drug where the sun don't shine!
  2. If you think I'm smokin, you must be jokin!
  3. I don't grace druggies with my presence (leave).
  4. Count me out dudes, that stuff is for idiots. I'm not one.
  5. My mom/dad/aunt was addicted to cocaine/meth/pot and used to shout at me because of it.
  6. No thanks, I already had some earlier.
  7. I have faith in the bible and the lord says drugging is a sin.
  8. Stow away the weed pipe buddy! Dopes are for dopes!
  9. I can't, I'm allergic to stupid.
  10. Give a hoot, don't pollute (your mind and your body with drug poison).


I hope I've convinced you all you little tykes out there not to try drugs, and also convinced you 'rents to support your children with love and help keep them from doing drugs until they are 18. Thanks for reading folks, and if you have any more questions, feel free to EMAIL ME!
Check u later guys!
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