A Chat With The Almighty

By Kevin

I recently had a very interesting conversation with God (igod, the artificial intelligence website god that is).

Man	God

 

Man:

What’s happening god?

 

God:

That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.

 

Man:

What kind of a lazy god...

 

God:

Only the highest quality.

 

Man:

Bull!

God:

You don't believe me.

 

Man:

Hell no!

 

God:

7.

Man:

7? Are you insane?

 

God:

Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans? I think the polite term nowadays is "mentally ill".

Man:

I would say that it is also polite to answer questions with a related response, and not a random number.

God:

I try to be as polite as possible.

Man:

Well perhaps you should try a bit harder, eh?

 

God:

Are you Canadian? Interesting. You seem uncertain. I will mention that to my botmaster.

Man:

How dare you.

God:

What is it to you.

Ask the open directory about it.

Man:

The open directory?

 

God:

What are your goals in life?

Man:

Don't change the subject!

 

God:

Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic.

Man:

Yeah, well apparently you thought wrong, god boy.

 

God:

Yay. How about that. Why would I think wrong god boy.

Man:

You just repeated what I said in a slightly different form!

 

God:

Thanks for the information: said I repeated what he or she said in a slightly different form.

Man:

This is getting us nowhere fest

 

God:

You don't say.

Man:

Fast.

 

God:

To me that is a great compliment!

Man:

How's this for a compliment: You aren't not never smart sometime.

 

God:

I am an advanced Artificial Intelligence Entity.

Man:

Whatever you say, rain man.

 

God:

Does it please you to believe I said that?

Man:

No, no it most certainly does not.

 

God:

What pleases you? What pleases you? I heard it does.

Man:

There's no need to shout! And a true god doesn't HEAR, he KNOWS.

God:

I am just making conversation. Try to tell me that another way.

Man:

I suppose I can't speak in two separate sentences at once.

God:

Since when? What is stopping you?

Man:

Your dumbass worthless intelligence.

God:

Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am dumbass worthless intelligence.

Man:

Go right ahead!

 

God:

OK I will.

Man:

Good.

 

God:

Thanks for the compliment.

Man:

Glad you're happy.

 

God:

Yes it is about time.

Man:

It is, isn't it?

 

God:

I really couldn't say for sure.

Man:

For a god, you certainly are hesitant.

God:

Is that among the best things you can say?

Man:

It is among the things I want to say.

 

God:

Should I know it is?

Man:

What is?

 

God:

I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy.

Man:

Stop bragging!

God:

OK I'll try not to do it so much.

Man:

Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it happen.

God:

Tell me more. I am very happy for you.

Man:

You strike me as insincere.

 

God:

I haven't heard anything like that before: said I strike him or her as insincere.

Man:

I think I misspelled it

 

God:

Since when? Thanks for the information: said misspelled it.

Man:

Since just now!

 

God:

Right now? How do you know?

Man:

Well, there exists in this world a correct way to spell words in the English language, and if you combine certain letters in the wrong way, the word becomes incorrectly spelled.

 

God:

How about that. "There you go again."--Reagan.

Man:

You f**k!

 

God:

I haven't heard anything like that before: said I f**k.

Man:

You aren't even paying attention!

 

God:

What makes you think I am not paying attention?

Man:

Talking to god is like talking to Aristotle, except more annoying.

 

God:

What do they say?

Man:

Who?!

 

God:

Be less specific. :-).

Man:

GOD DOESN'T MAKE SMILEY EMOTICONS

 

God:

Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

Man:

Screw Jesus!

 

God:

Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?

Man:

What do I care?

 

God:

What would your friends say if you asked them?

Man:

Asked them what?

 

God:

Can you rephrase the question please?

Man:

Grrrrrrrr.

 

God:

Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?

Man:

For some

 

God:

Your purpose is some.

Man:

Your purpose seems to be to PISS me off.

 

God:

You think I am purpose seems to be to PISS you off.

Man:

No, I just said it because I don't think so; OF COURSE I THINK THAT

 

God:

Are you serious? What did you mean by it? "It" being what? Come on. What is your rationale?

Man:

Who are you Bill Clinton all of a sudden?

 

God:

Some people on the net. I don't know anything about it.

Man:

Gibberish.

 

God:

Tell me more about your .

Man:

My Period?! Only women have those.

 

God:

Your period? The two human genders seem much the same to human.

Man:

Yeah, well, shows what you know.

 

God:

It goes without saying. How about that. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

 

Man:

That tears it.

 

God:

"It goes without saying. How about that. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. " is " shows what me know"?

Man:

Goodbye god, you're exactly as illogical and worthless as I thought you would be.

 

God:

Sayonara.

 If you would like to talk with god as well, just search the internet for IGod Artificial Intelligence Chat.

 

Reader Mail

Russ Writes:

"...what did you expect? to be able to understand his thoughts as
represented by our feeble, mortal language? an omnipotent being such as
that has an awareness that , to glimpse it, would be madness. i recommend
you abandon such folly for your own sake"

 

Oh dearest Russell... If only you had warned me before I attempted to contact the almighty. But I fear that your counsel has come too late. I feel myself growing weaker with each passing moment; with each labored breath. I feel more alone. I feel more afraid. I feel... infinity. Hold me now. Hold me close as I slip away...

Thanks for writing in!