Worthless Guide to Social Graces - Part 4: Japanese Culture

Japan! They don’t call it The City of Angels for nothing. Many people live there, and a number events have been known to take place within its borders. But this article isn’t about any of that. It’s just that I’ve gotten a number of imaginary requests for a complete list of thirty-one (31) things which are considered shameful and impolite in Japan. So here, I’ve finally posted it. This will be the final article in the social graces series. Be careful out there.

Part 4 - Japanese Customs
Part 3 - More Table Manners
Part 2 - Table Manners
Part 1 - Restrooms

 

1. Getting in a car accident for fun
   
   
2. Pressing buttons on an ATM machine
   
   
3. Using a bath towel to dry an elderly man who has fallen into a puddle
   
   
4. Inviting someone to a party without their permission
   
   
   
   
   
5. Listening to an entire Jethro Tull album without skipping a track
   
   
6. Barking like a dog in any non-sexual situation
   
   
7. Setting the minutes on an alarm clock
   
   
8. Slapping a punching bag with an open palm while shouting "Hyah!"
   
   
   
   
   
9. Angrily throwing stones into a pond
   
   
10. Causing your voice to crack on purpose
    
    
11. Saying "Hey let go of my arm." in Japanese if a Japanese guy grabs your arm
    
    
12. Frolicking or prancing in fields of wheat
    
    
    
    
    
13. Touching a lightbulb with your fingers or eyes while changing it
    
    
14. Playing a quick succession of sixteenth notes on any bass guitar while craning your neck
    
    
15. Attempting to breathe underwater like Aquaman (Aquaman is a fake character)
    
    
16. Visiting a flea market while intoxicated upon the sweet nectar of love
    
    
    
    
    
17. Shaking a dumb cheap pen which has nearly run out of ink, stupid thing
    
    
18. Screaming "Yikes!" if you spot a shark in the ocean
    
    
19. Having your leg fall asleep when any pet has lied down upon it
    
    
20. Standing atop a moving train, subway, or tram car while whooping boisterously
    
    
    
    
    
21. Answering any phone which has rung
    
    
22. Trying to guess the make and model of a car at night by its headlights
    
    
23. Pressing the Page Up key on any Japanese keyboard without good reason
    
    
24. Lashing (or pretending to lash) an adult horse with a whip
    
    
    
    
    
25. Lip-syncing in front of a crowd while sweating bullets
    
    
26. Jogging in place while wearing a striped tracksuit
    
    
27. Renting any boat or electric scooter with ill intent
    
    
28. Wondering what would happen if gravity reversed and we all fell into the sky
    
    
    
    
    
29. Deliberately coming in first in a pinewood derby
    
    
30. Shouting out “Rah!” in a no parking zone in a futile attempt to ward off evil spirits

 


That's pretty much it. Well, there is one more item on this list, but it's: "Listing everything that’s considered shameful in Japan." If I were to put that on the list, obviously that would be a major social blunder. So I won't.