Classic Nerd

Your distinguishing characteristics:

• You have read at least 10 Star Wars books (this number includes up to 3 Star Wars scripts).
  
  
• Your preferred method of celebration on New Year’s Eve: Typing “w00t” into the public chat channel of whatever game you’re playing when the clock strikes 12.
  
  
• It is likely that you have long stringy hair, and that said hair has been braided at some point in your life
  
  
• Oh yes, you know very well what THACO stands for, and you aren’t at all ashamed to explain it in-depth to anyone unfortunate enough to have asked you offhandedly about it.
  
  
• You have (at one time or another) worked yourself into a teary-eyed rage after being outbid in an online auction for a star wars action figure.
  
  
• You often imagine yourself crouching on top of a building during a heavy rainstorm while the wind causes your trenchcoat to whip around behind you in a really badass way.

I will tell you that there are definitely girls out there who would date a Classic Nerd. Just let me warn you that they’re not going to look like the paintings of the Amazon women you see on your magic cards. I would think more along the lines of the mythical witch, Baba Yaga, if you are familiar with that particular character.

Also be wary of women who appear to be fairly attractive and also claim to be “nerds”. These women are either:

1. Liars
   
   
2. Mentally damaged in some way
   
   
3. Using the new meaningless Pop Culture version of “Nerd”, which pretty much amounts to a girl saying that she occasionally plays The Sims and that she enjoyed Lord of the Rings because she thought Legolas had a cute ass (he very well may, but such things are not for me to decide).

You’re not even remotely cool, but there’s a good chance you already know this and that you don’t care. This is because you are smart. Probably because spent your childhood reading books and playing video games instead of jumping over small streams and hitting beehives with sticks. Still, a little exercise once and a while couldn’t hurt…