One public service I like to occasionally perform is to notify complete strangers about various types of sexual fetishes they may not have heard of. Not only is it good knowledge to have in general (sexual trivia can be great fun at family reunions), but it's also quite useful to know that such things exist when one day you stumble upon a link to "Potty Links - The Body Waste & Fluid Fetish Portal" in your 12-year-old son's web history.

"Ah-ha," you might be heard to remark, as you click through page after page of some of the most horrifyingly foul images you could ever have imagined, "this is Coprophilia, the fetish involving sexual pleasure derived from fecal play! That little rascal!"

So join me after the break for a list of the top 20 strangest fetishes of all time. Who knows, you might even find something you like!

This week in reasonably interesting and mildly offbeat news: Yo-Yo championship fraud, alleged gropings by the handicapped, the gospel according to multiple felons, elderly crack dealers, Toby Keith's filthy rapist mustache, & how to tell if you're a vampire.

Hello fellow Christians, and welcome to yet another edition of Christian Game Reviews: The hottest place to find godly reviews of all your favorite animated games! This time around I'm taking a look at Splinter Cell: Conviction, a fighting action game for the Xbox, Playstation, and Nintendo Wii, and Gameboy videogame systems. As is typical for an obscenely violent game full of sex with minors, homosexuality, and gambling, Splinter Cell: The Conviction has been garnering rave reviews from the secular press.
 
But while this may be good enough cause for John Q. Parent to run right out and purchase this game for Little Billy, those who live by the law of The Lord would do well to think twice before plunking down their hard-earned Christian dollars on this little jaunt through Sodom and Gomorrah.

You might not be aware of this, but AMAZON sells some truly weird shit. Unfortunately, finding these products is not as easy as it could be. It works like this: Items which are deemed worthy of the "Amazon Oddities" label can be tagged by customers as an "Amazon Oddity" and will then be shown HERE, for your theoretical amusement. This would be fine, except there's nothing stopping hundreds of random unfunny idiots from tagging any product they think is "cute" or "hilarious" as an Amazon Oddity. So unless you feel like sifting through 100+ pages of sex toys (tee-hee!), cheesy gag gifts, and children's books with the word "poop" in the title, you probably won't have much use for the list.
 
But luckily for you, I've decided to do my part for society and review five of the most useful Amazon Oddities: The Gambler's Mustache, A Large Boulder, 4500 Live Ladybugs, The Pig acupuncture Model, and The Home Gastric Bypass Kit. I know it's not much, but it's the least I can do to help.

I'm not going to insult you people by trying to pretend that this wasn't a slow news week. It was. Even for shitty "not-really-even-close-to-being-news" news. Seriously, look what I have: A story about a man asking for piggyback rides, alternative medicine fanatics getting what they deserve, a huge pile of corpses left to rot, and a Tony Danza fansite from the late 90s.
 
I think what I'm really trying to say here is: Don't read this article. There are far better ways for you to spend your time. Like attempting to slice some bread with a length of thin wire. Or seeing how high you can kick. Or talking to yourself in the shower. Stuff like that, you know?

Due to the outstanding success of my recently published article on bucket lists, I decided to "take it to the streets" and accost complete strangers, jabbing a starter pistol in their ribs and insisting that they create their own top 10 lists of "Things to Do Before You Die".
 
Not surprisingly, many of them complied, coming up with some thought-provoking and insightful responses that really made me stop and consider what it means to be human in this crazy mixed-up world of ours. Unfortunately I was only able to get in three interviews before I was shot in the chest and upper thigh by some hero cop who decided I was breaking some obscure law, but I think you'll find that the lists I was able to compile were well worth my arrest and subsequent arraignment on felony assault and use of facsimile firearm charges.

"Things To Do Before You Die" lists are intended to remind us that "life is precious", and that we should "live each day to it's fullest, lest we die unhappy". Obviously this is easier said than done, and as such, many people often dismiss these sorts of sentiments as meaningless, idealistic garbage. But this may be somewhat unfair. If one did wish to begin the journey towards enlightenment, I can think of no better path than one which begins by mindlessly taking part in a number of broadly defined feel-good clichés as suggested a list compiled by unimaginative Chicken Soup For The Soul lovers who have recently become motivational speakers and are also high on ecstasy.
 
These lists are also known as "Bucket Lists", a term which was popularized by the 2007 film of the same name. A film which, might I add, was so utterly insipid, saccharine, and melodramatic that I myself was only able to get through the first 5 minute of it before slipping into a diabetic coma, from which I emerged 12 years later, no worse for the wear, and yet puzzlingly unrefreshed.
 
So it was with great trepidation that I began my research into the actual bucket lists themselves. My quest: To find 10 of the most offensively stupid items which are often included on bucket lists. Here are the results.

Amongst the topics addressed in this week's edition of weird news are: "What's the worst way to prove you aren't fat?", "Are restaurants allowed to deny entry to homosexual pets?" "What's the best prohibitively expensive way to survive the apocalypse?" "What do goats have against the Chinese?" And "Is Mousetrap still a good toy?"
 
To run though them quickly beforehand, the answers to these questions are as follows: "Bite a piece of someone off", "Yes?", "Vivos", "I'm unsure", and "No, it blows."

The American South has changed a great deal in recent years. What was once described by Harry S. Truman as "a festering pocket of indescribable filth and stroke-inducing poverty" is now home to a number of modern amenities, including schools, utility poles, and yes, even paved roads. But don't be fooled into thinking that the south has lost it's charm and spunk, as this is most certainly not the case. Those who crave dixie-flavored excitement and adventure need look no further than the great state of Georgia. With its year-round county fairs, dump truck rallies, and whites-only church picnics, Georgia has become a beacon of hope to tourists hoping to score some down-home goodness at a reasonable price.
 
So read on to learn about some of the wonderful destinations and activities the great state of Georgia has to offer. And if, by the end of this article you're still convinced that Georgia is "just another rivulet of the crusty semen stain on the pant leg of America known as The South", I'll eat my hat. And that's a true confederate promise.

It is of the utmost importance that a warning sign be easily understood. A cryptic warning sign will do nothing to improve the safety of a dangerous workplace, and will be little more than a whimsical diversion to an employee before his arm is torn from its socket by the series of large, rusty cogs whose existence the nonsensical warning sign was incapable of alerting him to.

So in light of this man's alarming mutilation, I present to you 20 warning signs whose meanings are completely beyond my capacity to discern.

This week in the news: Burger King bun theft, George Washington charged with book pillaging, blowgun assault, and dogs running for public office. Also I've got a video montage highlighting infomercial actors failing to perform even the most basic of tasks, and a Mexican waterpark for sale.
 
I'd invite you to read on, but honestly it's probably not worth your time unless you're really bored. Do as you see fit.

"What is it?" I asked, eying the large pile of dry brown plant matter uneasily.
 
"One can't say for sure," George muttered, scooping up a handful and dropping it into his mouth, "I came upon it while tilling the fields. It's true origins remain shrouded in darkness." He sputtered, swallowing.
 
I picked up a handful and began to chew. The stuff was absolutely foul, and had a texture like dry bark. Grimacing, I choked it down, and sat wondering what I had gotten myself into. It wasn’t long before I started to feel it coming on. I felt slightly disconnected and an almost imperceptible warmth and weightlessness crept into my limbs. I laughed a little and said something like, “Mmmmmmm.”
 
George stood and looked around. He flexed, grinning and widening his eyes.

“Nnnggg!” he cried, "OHHHH!”

As of the time this is being written, the year is 2010. It is officially The Future. Not quite what you expected, right? From what I was told, by this time were supposed to have become a race of golden brown superhumans with cheap and easy access to all the sex goggles, synthetic tree bark, and all the child abuse simulators we could carry. Obviously this has not come to pass. Unfortunately, when it comes to cool future technologies like hoverboards or pianos that play themselves (!), science has failed us utterly, electing instead to focus its efforts on decidedly un-fantastical technologies like heart valve replacement surgery, cordless telephones, and low-sodium Wheat Thins.
 
Not that I'm complaining about how things have turned out. It's also true that there are plenty of hypothetical "Future" technologies we are better off without. Here are four of the worst offenders.
 

Hey what can I say, there's a shortage of photos featuring horrifying wax figures on the internet. Somebody's gotta rectify that shit, right?

Might as well be me.

This week in news: Bar code scanners causing tourette's, deliberate projectile vomiting on children, whale rape, and gas pedal pressing fetishists.

Also, I'm reasonably certain that's the most insane sentence I've ever written.

From large groups of trees, to snow-capped mountains, to the ground under those mountains and trees, it's fairly safe to say that Alaska has got it all. It's a land of wonder, excitement, and adventure, where anything can, and will happen! Well...I'm being a bit generous. It's probably more like a land of quiet bemusement, snowstorms, and mild anticipation. Hmm. Still seems kind of dishonest. OK: At the very least, Alaska is a land which, I would assume, is not entirely without it's charms. There. That sounds about right.

I would, however, like to apologize in advance for the lack of actual tourism-based content in this article. I sincerely did try to find some interesting and original things that people could do visiting Alaska, but I mostly came up emptyhanded. the way I see it, this could be taken to mean one of two things: 1. There actually is nothing interesting going on in Alaska, or 2. I am just sort of lazy.

I'm thinking it's probably a little of both.

A continuation of my hard-hitting look at the secret world of poetic spam emails. Meaning: I got a bunch more crazy spam emails. You may look at them and be moderately amused, if you wish.