At 8 o’clock I saw the headlights. I knew it was George. I ran out the front door and down the steps, taking them two at a time. I pulled open the door and sat down in the passenger seat.

“Oh George!” I said, “I’d know those headlights anywhere!”

“Mmmph.” George said.

He sat hunched in the driver’s seat. The car was filled with a strange and heavy smoke.

As far as I can tell, everyone in the world loves robots. There's nothing a robot cannot do. Have you ever wondered why we still have humans fighting in our wars? I mean, what do humans have that’s so great anyway? Free will? Overrated. Better if you don’t have it. The ability to love? Yeah I have the ability to love alright, the ability to love the cool idea of robot armies.

In this article I'm going to field any questions you might ask, except if the question is “Can humans fly?” If you ask this I will just ignore you.

The 5 senses: Touch, taste, fear, smell, and eyes. One would think that these were enough, but surprisingly, there are those who claim that there is also a sixth sense,  psychic ability. I am here to tell you today that not only does the sixth, but I possess it. I can read your thoughts. Observe: You want to know how to become a psychic, and so I will tell you. I also see that your star sign is Virgo or Aries and that you are in your mid 20’s, male, and slightly overweight. When you are murdered your body will be found in a wooded area, near a body of water. Cool huh? And now here is a list of all the psychic powers.

I guess some corporations think it's good business to use “food mascots” to sell their products to children. Is this type of marketing really effective? I’m not sure, but what I do know is that I find most food mascots to be distressing.

For example: Why exactly did a room full of advertising executives decide androgynous Cuckoo bird who screams at children would be the most effective way to sell Coco Puffs? God knows. Frankly it worries me that most (if not all) of the characters these companies create are mentally disturbed in some way. Here are some other advertising creatures who should probably be institutionalized.

Many people have hands. Some of them use these hands to pick up and manipulate objects. The word “handheld” is used to describe feats such as these. But take a moment to imagine a world where nothing ever became “handheld”. Couch Potatoes: Imagine that your television remote was as large as a coffee table! Retail Cashiers: There are no portable price scanners; enjoy typing the barcodes of all oversized items by hand! Bestiality Aficionados: Good luck grasping your favorite horse’s genitals! But thankfully the nightmare of “no handhelds” never came to pass.

We live a life of handhelds, and video game systems are no exception. What follows is a guide to all your favorite portable game consoles past and present. If you have any complaints, don’t forget you aren’t paying for any of this.

In  Part I of  this series I covered a bunch of old-timey consoles, and probably some other stuff too. Honestly I can't really remember what I wrote about in it. I'm sure not gonna read that garbage again to find out either.

In Part II (that would be the part you're reading now), I've got some stuff I remembered off the top of my head about the Sega Genesis, the SNES, and some of the other major consoles that came out in the early 90s. Also, in case you're wondering why there's a picture of Urkel over there, it's because I needed something to represent the 1990s.

Have you ever...Hurled a Playstation 2 controller in frustration? Kicked your Super Nintendo across the room after losing to a particularly cheap boss? Become so utterly enraged at a Dreamcast game that you snapped the disc into shards and began gingerly slicing at your arms with them while rocking back and forth and weeping softly?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably love to play video games! Well, except the third one. I don’t know what that one would signify. But I think my point was that if you love video games enough to destroy stuff, you'll probably enjoy this article.

The Ministry of Information
The US Presidents: A group of manipulative and delusional humans who lead the United States of America during the dark period before the Ministry was created. But how many citizens truly know anything pertinent about these men?

The answer: None. It has been reported that when asked about which historical US president was most interesting to them during a nonvoluntary information extraction session, seven out of every ten Americans responded by emptying their bowels, lolling back their battered heads, and crying out in agony. So in an effort to educate our citizens about some of the leaders of what was once the United States of America, the MoI has compiled this official list of presidential facts for your consumption.