Variety
Google Autocomplete Answers 9 Important Questions

Google's autocomplete feature is a tool I often use
when I want to get an idea of the general public's feeling or thoughts
on a particularly hard-to-research subject. Well maybe not often. More
like never. Still it's a fun way to see what the all the idiots in the
world are up to.
So here are 9 of the most interesting/disturbing/weird/stupid autocomplete results which have shaken my faith in much of humanity.
So here are 9 of the most interesting/disturbing/weird/stupid autocomplete results which have shaken my faith in much of humanity.
Top 10 Things I'd Do With a Million Bucks

Some people
say money can't buy happiness, but obviously these folks
have never been rich! Yes, being filthy rich has been the dream of
every hot-blooded human being since pirate times, myself included! Due
to my higher-functioning brain, my dreams are EXTREMELY vivid
as well, so the money seems even more real! Often, I'll even wake up
crying from a particularly beautiful dream and feel ornery for the rest
of the day because I know I am trapped in the real world, and that
Drak'Thul (the magnificent gold city of dragons) no longer exists, and
that I can only visit it in my mind. But I don't mean to bring y'alls down. Let's cheer up a bit by taking a gaunder at the list of the top 10 things I would do with one million smackards. Enjoy!
Stupid Customers Complain About Food

DEAR SIRS OF MAAM I PURCHASED ONE BK'S BROILER ALSO
ONE BOX OF FRIES AT BUGRER KING AND AS I HAVE ASBURGERS I CANT HAVE
SALT ON FRIES I ASKED THE YOUNG WOMAN (BLACK!!) TO GIVE ME NO SALT SHE
WAS RUDDE TO ME ALSO GAVE ME SALT AND I HAD NOT ONE BUT THREE GRAND
MAUL SEZUIRS DUE TO THIS WITCH IS UNNACEPATABLE. HAREV IT YOUR WAY I
THINK NOT!!!!!!!!
Even More Complaints From Stupid Customers

Here are some more pointless complaints from customers which I have pointlessly posted because I am dumb.
Math Sucks

So, to set the record straight once and for all, I recently invited members of the public to send me any pressing questions or concerns they had about math. This way I could publish the most common questions (along with my answers), and in doing so ensure that the absolute beauty (and usefulness!) of mathematics could be revealed to as many people as possible.
So, without further ado: Math!
12 (More) Puzzling Complaints From Stupid Customers

PART 1 of this series featured some some of the best customer complaints I could find on my new favorite website: ComplaintsBoard.com. But consumer action does not sleep! There are still plenty of fairly unpleasant people who feel they have been severely wronged by the actions of various Burger King & Safeway employees, and I must help to ensure that their whining voices are heard!
All aboard the payback train. First stop: Justicetown.
The Baron's Top 10 Movies of 2009

Greetings and
salutations viewers! This is your old pal The Baron here, ringing in
the new year for one and all. I was thinking about the best way to
celebrate the fresh century and I came up with what I think is a pretty
darn fantastic idea: I would create a list of my favorite movies of
2009! So that's exactly what I did, I went through "fave films" section
my dream journal and picked out the rootinist, tootinist, shootinist
list of the greatest movies I had seen last in the old zero niner.So grab a sack of butter and cover your heads, because Baron Marty's about to drop some movie knowledge on yall's heads.
15 Puzzling Complaints From Stupid Customers

Unfortunately, it isn't really working out that way. Complaintsboard is less about consumer rights and more about semiliterate adults with learning disabilities who believe a business has wronged them in some petty way pecking out (usually IN CAPS) incomprehensible messages to companies that will never, ever read them. Nothing useful is accomplished, and no one is helped.
So yeah, it's pretty great!
5 Phrases Nerds Should Really Stop Using

These are the social cripples, the sniveling masturbators. Rejected (some would say rightly so) by their schoolyard peers, they have sought refuge amongst the similarly-damaged youths who make up the online collective. Here, they are given the opportunity to climb a reverse social ladder, one in which the individual is not rewarded for attractiveness, physical prowess, cleverness, or the ability to abstain from using racial slurs, but rather by Time Spent Grinding, Posts Per Hour, and (most relevant to this article) The Ability to Deliberately Mimic The Deliriously Annoying & Repetitive Patterns of Speech Favored By One's Online Peers. Which is to say: There are far too many internet nerds perpetuating rock-stupid verbal memes.
Below are a few common nerdly phrases which--when used--cause me to become unreasonably upset.
The Troubling & Cryptic Humor of Spam Emails

As I said in my last article about spam, spam emails just aren't fooling anyone anymore. But that doesn't stop them from trying. Well maybe trying isn't
the right word. Let's just say that it isn't stopping them from
"continuing to send out easily ignored emails which are seemingly just
a randomly generated series of sentences punctuated by gibberish". Not
that I'm complaining or anything. I love them.
So in honor (honour) of my torrid love affair with email spam, here are a few more lovely poems I've received from the spambots.
So in honor (honour) of my torrid love affair with email spam, here are a few more lovely poems I've received from the spambots.

