More By The Baron
How To Survive a Tornado
Summer is
just around the bend for many of us, and with the warm weather comes
the threat of deadly tornados. These twisting destructive devils of the
seventh seas can level your dream home, fling your cozy trailer-shack
into the air, or even kill your precious poodle Jumjugs with merely a
flick of their godless wind-wrist.The twistler is nature's marvel. It is to be feared, and it is to be respected. Luckily your old pal (and self-taught meteorologist) The Baron is here to help you make it through an encounter with these terrifying death tubes. Read on for 10 of my juiciest 'nader survival tips. They'll really "blow" your mind!
Quest For Time 2010 UpdateTacular!
Greetings all, from the lands of Dverz, Anthroes, and Hurans! For those of you who are wondering what the Sam Hell I'm talking about, it's the MMORPG Online Game I've been developing known as The Quest For Time. I know it's been quite some time since I've updated y'alls on the development, so I figured I'd throw a ripe, juicy bone into all my fans by sharing some new info on what I've been cooking up in the land of Valderanianaiae.
FAIR WARNING: Spoilders abound, so those of you who are planning to play the game on release might want to pass up this article, because I reveal key plot points in both the Elle Swamp questline and the Anthroe romance story! So consider yeselves warned!
Top 10 Things I'd Do With a Million Bucks
Some people
say money can't buy happiness, but obviously these folks
have never been rich! Yes, being filthy rich has been the dream of
every hot-blooded human being since pirate times, myself included! Due
to my higher-functioning brain, my dreams are EXTREMELY vivid
as well, so the money seems even more real! Often, I'll even wake up
crying from a particularly beautiful dream and feel ornery for the rest
of the day because I know I am trapped in the real world, and that
Drak'Thul (the magnificent gold city of dragons) no longer exists, and
that I can only visit it in my mind. But I don't mean to bring y'alls down. Let's cheer up a bit by taking a gaunder at the list of the top 10 things I would do with one million smackards. Enjoy!
How To Say No To Drugs
Alright
kids and teens, here's a little math problem for you: Every day
1 million of people die from doing a drug. half of the population on
the earth is children. have you figured out the answer? That's right:
Half a million kids die every day because of drugs. Still say smoking
on a stick of Mary Jane is "cool"? I thought not.But even after hearing this shocking stat, some of you might still assume it's OK to take "just one" suck of dope. That it's fine to drink "just one" cup of LSD. A few of you might even believe it's "alright" to just eat "just one" piece of cocaine. But the path to drug addiction is steep as a dragon's brow. Take just one step on it and suddenly you've bought yourself a one-way ticket to losersvilles. One day you're captain of the football group and the next you're on a street corner selling your football champion trophy to buy more meth pills.
The Baron's Top 10 Movies of 2009
Greetings and
salutations viewers! This is your old pal The Baron here, ringing in
the new year for one and all. I was thinking about the best way to
celebrate the fresh century and I came up with what I think is a pretty
darn fantastic idea: I would create a list of my favorite movies of
2009! So that's exactly what I did, I went through "fave films" section
my dream journal and picked out the rootinist, tootinist, shootinist
list of the greatest movies I had seen last in the old zero niner.So grab a sack of butter and cover your heads, because Baron Marty's about to drop some movie knowledge on yall's heads.
How To Burglar-Proof Your Home
By
Martin "The Baron" Hubley
How
would you feel if a criminal broke into your home, left with all your
belongings in a truck, and then beat up your entire family (including
the pets)? You would probably be pretty ticked off. But you shouldn't
be, because it was your own fault for not securing your home properly!
I don't blame robbers and murderers for what they do. Those who do
crimes are often poor minorities (chinese or polish people) who have a
hard life and a low-paying job. Simply put: They can't help but steal.
Riddle me this: Would you arrest a homeless black man who stole a rich
man's car to support his starving family? Of course you wouldn't, he
was only trying to survive.But it is still a homeowner's right to protect his property! The key is to make your house so secure that the burglar will go and burgle your neighbor's home instead of your own. It might seem cold, but it's all part of the game of life. So read on to see all the hot and juicy tips I have for securing your home against invaders.
(Side note: You might notice a photo of a handsome fellow over there on the left. That's me! It'll be showing up on each of the articles I write for this site from now on, so look forward to it!)
How to Craft the Perfect Resume
All aboard the learning train folks! There are three important properties every resume should have: Heart, Hope, & Be Passionate. Heart means make 'em cry. Hope means give em' the hope that you're the best man (or gal) for the job! And C. Above all Be Passionate! Passion is the sloppy goop that makes the world go round, so let em' have it! On the day of your interview, walk straight in the door, hand over your resume, and slather your interviewer with a sloppy dose of passion all over their face and in their mouth. They won't know what hit em'!
But for more detailed tips, read on to check out yours truly's very own resume. You'll have that job in no time!
Don't Mess With Otherkin!
Some of my faithful readers may know this, but for others it may come as something of a shock: I am otherkin. I'm not ashamed to say it. My body is inhabited by the spirit of an elder dragon which goes by the name of Nga'thhlt (a name which many humans have trouble pronouncing, so I simply call him Stryyker.) My lizard soul gives me powers beyond your wildest imaginings, powers which I have displayed and proven many a time. But still there are those who make fun of me and call me names. Hear this humans: No matter what you think of us, this does NOT give you the right to interfere with our lifes! For if you do, we shall fight back with all our might!
Top 5 Movies of All Time!
As many of you may be aware, I am quite practitioner of watching amazing movies. I often get requests from my friends for recommendations of what movies I think are the "Best Ever". "The Baron" they have been known to say to me, "There are so many movies out there! What's the quint's essential film I can watch to increase my carnal knowledge of movies and films?" The answer, I always have to tell them, is not so simple that can be said in a single sentence. So I decided to head them off at the past by creating this essential short list of what I believe to be the greatest movies ever made.
These are not only high budget studio picks either, I've also included some lower budget (AKA "Indy" films) on this list for your viewing pleasure. So sit back, pop open a Dew and a bag of Poffs, and enjoy this fun-soaked ride into movie greatness.
How to Help Disableds
By Martin "The Baron" Hubley
Not to brag or anything, but around my hometown I'm known as a bit of a philantherer. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a philantherer is someone who loves giving back to the community! So it wouldn't be at all out of the ordinary to see me feeding an elderly woman chicken tenders at the food court, or even helping a little boy in the Sears dressing room squeeze into a cute new pair of jeans. Hey what can I say? I guess I just enjoy being a good person!
Unfortunately not everyone is as big a fan of good deeds and charity as I am. There are still plenty of folks out there who don't know how to be good citizens. One of the most offensive things I've noticed is that hardly anyone knows how to treat a handicap. It's hard to believe, I know, but trust me, in my lifetime I've seen it all. I've seen ticket takers make a woman in a wheelchair wait in line for popcorn at the theater. I've seen a dwarve denied access to rollercoaster because of height requirements. I've even seen drivers honk at someone with a handicapped sticker who cut them off. It's a cold world out there, but luckily I'm here to help.
Read on to see my advice on how to properly treat someone who is under the influence of handicap.
Not to brag or anything, but around my hometown I'm known as a bit of a philantherer. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a philantherer is someone who loves giving back to the community! So it wouldn't be at all out of the ordinary to see me feeding an elderly woman chicken tenders at the food court, or even helping a little boy in the Sears dressing room squeeze into a cute new pair of jeans. Hey what can I say? I guess I just enjoy being a good person!
Unfortunately not everyone is as big a fan of good deeds and charity as I am. There are still plenty of folks out there who don't know how to be good citizens. One of the most offensive things I've noticed is that hardly anyone knows how to treat a handicap. It's hard to believe, I know, but trust me, in my lifetime I've seen it all. I've seen ticket takers make a woman in a wheelchair wait in line for popcorn at the theater. I've seen a dwarve denied access to rollercoaster because of height requirements. I've even seen drivers honk at someone with a handicapped sticker who cut them off. It's a cold world out there, but luckily I'm here to help.
Read on to see my advice on how to properly treat someone who is under the influence of handicap.
