HISTORY
5 Shocking & Obscene Things You Won't Believe Are Actually In The Bible
Obviously I have not read The Bible (because why would I?), but I did do some research and have managed to come up with five of the most amusing, inappropriate, and potentially offensive passages contained therein. And yeah, this gets pretty graphic, so don't say I didn't warn you.
5 Offensive, Outrageous, & Possibly Fictional Things You May Not Have Heard About Ray Kroc
What's so bad about Ray Kroc? Here's one example: He is said to have coined the phrase "If You’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean." This pretty much tells you everything you need to know about Mr. Kroc's attitude towards his employees. I can only assume Kroc decided to publicize this motto because he feared his two other favorite sayings, "Clean it now up or you're back on food stamps" and "You're only here because you're still cheaper than a robot" might not have endeared him to the public quite as much.
So in honor of this cruel obsessive-compulsive tyrant's memory, here are five fascinating (and potentially libelous) things you probably didn't know about Ray "The Kommendant" Kroc.
The Casually Dismissive Guide to Cowboys
So after an exhaustive period of exhaustive research, I've compiled my findings into this article, which should serve to answer the most common cowboy-related questions I often receive such as: "What do Cowboys Do All Day?" "Are All Cowboys Gay?" and "I Don't Give a Shit What a Cowboy is. Stop Talking About Cowboys You Jackass".
So here look here, Cowboys:
There. I Designed a Better American Flag.
The
design of the American flag needs a reboot, and I'm just the one to do
it. What are my qualifications you ask? Well: I live in America, I pay
most of the taxes I'm supposed to, and although I don't vote, I
appreciate the sentiment behind it.See, since I CRITICIZED THE DESIGN of the flag without offering any alternatives. That isn't right. So I feel it'd be nice of me to come up with a flag which I feel better embodies the spirit of this country as it exists today.
There's no need to thank me; being of service to my country is all the thanks I need.
The American Flag Sucks
I
am getting really tired of seeing the American flag. There are too many of them around. I don't even understand the point of it. We all know where we live. Everyone around here does. I bet a lot of people are probably getting tired of seeing it.It's like when a celebrity appears in too many movies consecutively and everyone starts to hate them. It doesn't matter how great they are, or whether the movies were any good, after a while you just don't want to see or hear anything else about them ever again. That's kind of how I feel about the American flag right about now. I guess the American flag has become my Will Ferrel. But hey, let's get a little more in-depth about why the flag blows.
History of Military Terms
If you’ve ever watched a film or read a book about the military, you know that they use a lot of strange and interesting words and phrases that uneducated people have a hard time understanding. I have written this glossary to help those people. These particular terms come from the Vietnam War. I am an expert on military terms and tactics. I have never been in the military, but this is only because they don’t seem to understand that I am not your average grunt. I attempted to explain that with my above-average intellect, I would be of more use as an officer, and that I would not need to go through basic training, but the man I spoke to was quite obtuse.
History of Military Terms: 2
Hi folks, you've stumbled onto Part 2 of my Military Glossary. If you haven't read part 1, it is located HERE.
Socks & Sandals: Retribution
By Jones
Satan. Beelzebub. Steve. The Dark One has many names and many faces, all of which are intended to deceive the common man. If ever it comes to pass that you find yourself locked into a life or death battle with this specter of evil, I can give you but one piece of advice: Step on his foot, for he will surely be wearing stockings on sandaled feet. But what could possibly possess The Devil (or anyone for that matter) to wear socks with sandals? This is one of the many questions I hope to answer in this thirty-six and ten part series Socks & Sandals: Transitive Beguilement and Substantiational Value Judgements!
America: An Inferior Primer
The United States of America. Land of the free. Home of the Brave. House of 1,000 Corpses. A world untouched by time. Some people call it “The Happiest place on earth”. Others refer to it as “Old usa (OO-SAH)”. But what is the real story behind the most powerful nation in the universe? That’s what our crack team of undercover investigators set out to uncover. Did they succeed? Reading this article is the only way to find out! (This is what I call “teasing the story”) Here’s a quick history of U S and A.
What Next?
