Video Games
Quest For Time 2010 UpdateTacular!
Greetings all, from the lands of Dverz, Anthroes, and Hurans! For those of you who are wondering what the Sam Hell I'm talking about, it's the MMORPG Online Game I've been developing known as The Quest For Time. I know it's been quite some time since I've updated y'alls on the development, so I figured I'd throw a ripe, juicy bone into all my fans by sharing some new info on what I've been cooking up in the land of Valderanianaiae.
FAIR WARNING: Spoilders abound, so those of you who are planning to play the game on release might want to pass up this article, because I reveal key plot points in both the Elle Swamp questline and the Anthroe romance story! So consider yeselves warned!
Christian Game Review: Bayonetta
Hi
there fellow Christians. My name is Lucas Bell,
and I'm a professional video game reviewer and professional video game
lover. I began writing game reviews in 1988, when I noticed the
godlessness that pervaded most popular videogames at the time. These
games contained dinosaurs, rock and roll, and kissing. Sorry game
developers but the only kissing I'll be doing is with the lord, through
prayer, so count me out!Since I knew there was no chance of games being created for true Christians (Christians are now a minority!) I decided to begin reviewing games from a Christian perspective so that others would easily avoid those which contain demonics, disrespect of the elderly, or sex with children (as most games nowaday do!)
Today I'll be taking a look at Bayonetta, a game which is about as far from God's holy love as one can get without being in hell itself. Please be warned that this review is not suitable for children.
Awful Film Fights: Double Dragon
January 14th 2096Mother is sick again. I doubt she will make it another day, let alone a week as Doctor Fonsworth says. It is a cold world...
Note: Took a fight scene from the movie Double Dragon and added some music to it. Haven't seen Double Dragon yet, but found a great Amazon customer review which seemingly tells me everything I need to know about it:
From my point of view this movie is great!It may not be as good as the game but is still good.There are some funny parts and no swearing.Just to let you know that this movie is double the fun and double action.And also this is double dragon!
Here is the video. I hope you enjoy it.
Yours Truly In Love,
Stephen.
Unforgivable Game Design Sins
As
someone who most people would consider to
be pretty annoying, I'm in a good position to know what's
bothersome and what isn't. So I've decided to go through a few little
things in videogames which annoy me. This is stuff that developers
should easily be able to fix, but they're either too stupid, or too
lazy to do it. They shouldn't be able to get
away with all this crap. Someone has to call them out! Obviously I
can't do it, because what pull do I have? All I do is run this piece of crap site.The only thing I really can do is write a half-assed article bitching about these things on this website (which, again, nobody ever reads). Guess I'll just do that then. That'll learn em.
DO YOU REMEMBER ARCADES THOSE WERE GREAT
I
have a rule that I don’t start an article with pointless,
seminonsensical puns. For example, if I were writing about those games
at arcades which give out tickets it might’ve been something like:
“Sometimes making children feel like winners is ‘Just the Ticket’ for
someone who wants to succeed in the arcade business!” or “Sometimes a
visit to the local arcade is like being in a ‘Ticket Tape Parade’, you
never quite know what'll come up!”But I won’t do that. Instead, I think I'll just write whatever random crap comes into my head, and when it seems to have gotten too long, I'll stop abruptly. Yeah. That's what I'll do.
The History of Handheld Consoles: Page 2
Neo Geo Pocket Color
History
The Neo Geo Pocket Color was released in 1999 to much fanfare. Of
course by “much fanfare” I mean that 12 or 13 customers went to stores
around the country and bought it intentionally, while a few others
mistakenly received it as a gift from an elderly relative even though
they had asked for a Game Boy Color instead. Halo 3 Review
I wrote a email to this website about how much I like halo 3. The nice man who run this website asked if I could write a thing for this website about what I thought of it because I had an interesting per-spec-tive (had to look that up) about it. He says he will put it up and put pictures for it too. I said that sounds like a fun plan but I don’t write so good. He said it’s alright tommy just do your best.
World Of Warcraft: An Irrelevant Review
The History of Handheld Consoles
Many
people have hands. Some of them use these hands to pick up and
manipulate objects. The word “handheld” is used to describe feats such
as these. But take a moment to imagine a world where nothing ever
became “handheld”. Couch Potatoes: Imagine that your television remote
was as large as a coffee table! Retail Cashiers: There are no portable
price scanners; enjoy typing the barcodes of all oversized items by
hand! Bestiality Aficionados: Good luck grasping your favorite horse’s
genitals! But thankfully the nightmare of “no handhelds” never came to
pass.We live a life of handhelds, and video game systems are no exception. What follows is a guide to all your favorite portable game consoles past and present. If you have any complaints, don’t forget you aren’t paying for any of this.
