VIOLENCE
"Shut It Down! Shut It Down!" (UPDATED 01.10.12)
Cannot update site. Body being ravaged by illness. Possibly dropsy, lumbago, or grocer's itch. Unsure due to intense hallucinations and intermittent bouts of mental incoherence. Razorblade chesspiece wingman, all the waxen faces. Must travel inland and visit with physician straightaway.
Press thine lips to the breach and bask in the shadow of the sun.
Warmest Regards,
H.K. Richarson, Site Curator
01/10/12: Various personal issues have made it all but impossible for me to continue updating this site. In light of this, I am taking a temporary leave of absence from posting stupid shit on here. Christ knows how long I'll be away, but it shouldn't be more than a few months.
In any case, I'm sure you can find some more constructive ways to waste your time in my absence, like learning coin tricks, attempting to peel the entire skin of an orange off in one piece, or whatever else it is you people do in your spare time.
See you when I see you.
5 Shocking & Obscene Things You Won't Believe Are Actually In The Bible
Obviously I have not read The Bible (because why would I?), but I did do some research and have managed to come up with five of the most amusing, inappropriate, and potentially offensive passages contained therein. And yeah, this gets pretty graphic, so don't say I didn't warn you.
How To Subdue a Nerd Who Has Flown Into a Violent, Videogame-Induced Rage
Also, this really only applies to these men while they're playing games. The rest of the time, they're normally quite calm (if not downright docile). But place any one of these gamers in a situation where they believe themselves to have been "wronged" or "cheated" during a game, and a whirlwind of grisly violence is sure to ensue. Very rarely will this tantrum seemed to have "come out of nowhere". More often than not there is an easily perceived buildup of hostility which takes place before The Ragestate occurs.
This article should serve to educate the rest of you in the recognition (and subsequent containment) of any videogamer who flies into this ragestate.
Don't Mess With Otherkin!
Some of my faithful readers may know this, but for others it may come as something of a shock: I am otherkin. I'm not ashamed to say it. My body is inhabited by the spirit of an elder dragon which goes by the name of Nga'thhlt (a name which many humans have trouble pronouncing, so I simply call him Stryyker.) My lizard soul gives me powers beyond your wildest imaginings, powers which I have displayed and proven many a time. But still there are those who make fun of me and call me names. Hear this humans: No matter what you think of us, this does NOT give you the right to interfere with our lifes! For if you do, we shall fight back with all our might!
How to Fight Dirty
Recently I published a guide on how to avoid a fight entitled How To Avoid a Fight Like The Coward You Are.
After reading it over again, I came to the realization that only
writing one such guide while ignoring the other possible outcomes would
have been a great disservice to that one guy who reads my website. What
if, heaven forbid, he gets jumped by a band of gibbering winos in a
dark alley and none of my avoidance methods can get him out of it? What
then?"What then. What then." I find myself repeating these words aloud as I wander the aisles of a Whole Foods market, desperately scanning the aisles for something remotely edible. "Are you alright?" a pretty young stockgirl asks, her darkened eyes ablaze with passionate lust, "Did you need help with...anything?" Thinking quickly, I overturn my cart and give it a haphazard kick in her direction. Turning on my heel I dash in the opposite direction, overturning a Kashi Cereal display behind me. "Vile queen of harlots!" I scream as I scrabble up a piece of shelving at the rear of the store, "Ply your fleshtrade elsewhere; I have no want of it!" My mind races. I have managed to avoid the designs of the burlesque queen today, but what fresh hell would tomorrow bring? No man can say.
How To Avoid a Fight Like The Coward You Are
I
don't know anything about fighting, but I do know plenty about avoiding
fights. I've been doing it all my life. Mostly it's because of my face.
It isn't that great-looking or anything, but I worry about it
sometimes. See, it's a good bet that if someone hit me in the face
they'd cave my nose in or something. Then where would I be? I'd have
to go around with some crooked ass Owen Wilson nose for the rest of my
life and I really don't think I have the charisma to pull that sort of
thing off.So anyway whether you're a fellow sissy looking to pick up some crying tips, or a lifetime bully who'd just like to know the mindset of the guy who quietly murmurs something and closes his eyes when you threaten him with violence, I'd definitely suggest that you read on to hear some of my best pain-avoidance tricks. Who knows? You might just learn a little something about what it means to be a man (not true).
These Horrible Self Defense Tools Will Make You Dead
By Martin "The Baron" HubleyI consider myself to be something of a consumer advocate when it comes to the internet. There is so much misinformation floating out there on the cybernet that it's ridiculous. In a PREVIOUS ARTICLE I revealed the greatest self-defense tools of all time, and also let readers in on what I personally used to defend myself and my flock.
Now I'm going to show you the WORST self-defense tools and methods of all time (many of which are said to be "the best" by various internet sources). Just remember, when you need to know who and what to trust, you can always count on me, The Baron, to set the record straight.
Now, let's bust these lies down to size!
How To Create a Heroic Self-Defense Kit
By Martin "The Baron" HubleyAn attack on your person can come at any moment from any direction. It only takes a second for a robber, muggist, or raper to end your life forever. It can happen to anyone. It happened to me...
It was a warm summers eve, 9:30 PM, and I was exiting the movie theater after having just viewed the latest and greatest Harold Potter (it was superb, obv!). I had stayed behind to watch the credits, and when I left the film the parking lot was nearly empty. Upon reaching my vehicle I found that a number of serious-looking young men were leaning against my vehicle in a disrespectful fashion. Immediately the hair on my neck stood up. "Danger" I thought to myself in my mind, "Danger."
Awful Film Fights: Double Dragon
January 14th 2096Mother is sick again. I doubt she will make it another day, let alone a week as Doctor Fonsworth says. It is a cold world...
Note: Took a fight scene from the movie Double Dragon and added some music to it. Haven't seen Double Dragon yet, but found a great Amazon customer review which seemingly tells me everything I need to know about it:
From my point of view this movie is great!It may not be as good as the game but is still good.There are some funny parts and no swearing.Just to let you know that this movie is double the fun and double action.And also this is double dragon!
Here is the video. I hope you enjoy it.
Yours Truly In Love,
Stephen.
Walker: Texas Ranger - Spec Script
FADE-IN CONSTRUCTION SITE - WIDE SHOT - DAYWalker's truck is shown entering GLEN COVE CONSTRUCTION site. Three CONSTRUCTION TOUGHS mill around out front, kicking at dirt and leaning against various objects. WALKER exits his DUSTY AMERICAN TRUCK and approaches them.
WALKER: I'm a Texas
Ranger, do any of you boys know where I can find the front office?
What Next?
