SEX

Question: Do you enjoy viewing amateur art drawn by fans of various things? If so, this may be just the article for you.

But before I get started, I'd like to make it clear that my intention is not to cut down or ridicule the artists behind these images, as I feel that doing so would be inexcusably cruel (even by my fairly loose moral standards). And frankly, even if I did want to make fun of this stuff, I'm not sure I'd even know where to begin. I mean, I have a hard enough time writing jokes about things I can comprehend, so there's probably no point in me trying to wring extra humor out of something as mystifying as a bunch of deeply religious Naruto sketches some kid posted to Deviantart.

So that why for this gallery, I'm playing it straight. No smart-ass jokes or pointless captions to distract you from the photos. So come right in and pull up a chair. There's more than enough lunacy to go around.

Side Note: This gallery does contain any sexually explicit material, so you can probably look through it at work. Although if someone saw you'd probably look like a pretty huge freak. So keep that in mind.

I've always been a huge fan of Slate.com's "Explainer" Series. Its purpose is simple: To answer (sometimes unasked) questions about various issues that come up in the news or everyday life. These questions run the gamut from basic trivia questions ("When Did Prisoners Start Dressing In Orange"), to the taboo or obscene ("What would happen if you snorted cremated remains", "Are Both Father And [Adult] Daughter Culpable In Cases Of Incest?") questions you've probably never allowed yourself to consider.
 
Of course, The Vast Archive Containing Hundreds Upon Hundreds Of These Questions is available for your perusal (and I encourage you to do so), but just in case you don't feel like spending all that time, I've compiled a list of 30 of the best ones here (without permission, naturally).
 
And if you think linking to a bunch of articles I didn't have anything to do with is just a cheap way of getting out of having to write anything: Congratulations, you are right. Welcome to the internet.

This week in news: Bar code scanners causing tourette's, deliberate projectile vomiting on children, whale rape, and gas pedal pressing fetishists.

Also, I'm reasonably certain that's the most insane sentence I've ever written.

I am not gay. Meaning: I am attracted to women and not men. Recently I went to see a movie with my male cousin, who is married (to a woman), and also straight (as far as I can figure). I hadn't eaten that day, so I decided to get two orders of sickeningly overpriced nachos and a huge Dr. Pepper. All this food was to be eaten by me and me alone, partially because my cousin was smuggling his own food in, but mostly because I am selfish.
 
The intrigue came when the clerk was to hand out the straw. Apparently he had done some calculations in his head about my cousin and I, so instead of handing out a single straw, he gave us two (so we could "share", see?) We both started to laugh, and for a moment I considered calling the clerk back over and forcing him to watch while I expressed my sincere intention to engage in sexual intercourse with females while simultaneously groping the elderly woman in line behind us. But seeing as I wasn't really offended or anything, I decided against it.
 
Instead, I decided to punish the establishment itself by casually littering with the second straw in the theater at a later time. I ended up chickening out and just throwing it away, but the lesson remains clear: Don't assume that a guy has sex with other men, because he might throw garbage on the floor.
 
But anyway, here are the top five signs someone you know might be gay.