Weird News & Links

Stories this week include (but are not limited to!) a nude man thrusting in a library, women morphing into dolphins, obscenely lowered trucks, Metallica, and the unasked-for ability to create a terrifying doll of yourself.
 
Thank you and thank you!

Kids today have no respect for the elderly. Yesterday, for example, I was out walking my cat Captain Planet and I spotted a group of children harassing an old woman who was carrying a loaf of fresh bread. They spat and shouted curses such as "Crippled Hag", "Diseased Hag" and "Drop Dead Hag!" Then one of them struck her in the face with an implement and they laughed and pushed her into the street and a car ran over her without even stopping. Overall I would give this behavior a 10/10 for spunk and a 0/10 for respect. Respect your elders kids.
 
This week in Weird News: Lotion thieves, pedophilic cartoon bears, Christian videogame reviews, and Russian tanks. Word.

There's a famous inspirational quote from Helen Steiner Rice that goes "Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day." I describe it as inspirational not because it makes my cold heart swell with joy at the promise of the human spirit, but rather because it inspires me to want to find Helen Steiner Rice and punch some sense into her idiot skull as punishment for spouting such meaningless nonsense. What could possess a person to actually vocalize this kind of garbage? Perhaps Syphilis rotted out her pea-sized brain out by Syphilis, we may never know. But what I do know is that I want to drive my fist into the liver-spotted face of Helen Steiner Rice.
 
Please note that I do not actually wish to punch Helen Steiner Rice in the head, nor do I actually know whether her brain was rotted out by syphilis. I do not actually even know who she is, but I'm sure she was a very nice lady. Also if you're wondering if any of this has to do with Weird News, it doesn't have anything to do with it.