The Vandals on High Street

The Vandals on High Street - Chapter 4

Vandals On High Street - Dairy Queen
The clerk was screaming. Blubbering and sputtering and choking and I swung again and again and again. Blood spattered my eyes and powerful hate surged out through the red veil. I drew my arm back, the pipe gripped solidly in my fist. In my head blazed his smirk. "We're all out of Butterfinger" I heard him say again. "Did you want an Oreo Cookie one instead?" I felt the vein in my neck pulse. The world darkened, slowing.
 
Through the haze I saw the arm come down. Watched in horror as the heavy piece of lead drove itself into skull, marveling at the wet cry and spray of blood and bone as it glistened in the air. For an instant, each nodule of blood was fleck of cream. The bone fragments reformed themselves into a buttery orange chocolate-covered garnish. I slid forward, mouth open, reveling as the gooey pieces oozed into my mouth and down my throat. Time snapped back. The boy was on the floor, a dark pool spreading steadily around him.

The Vandals on High Street - Chapter 90

Darkness Gun

Father Jameson grinned, pressing the cold steel barrel of the revolver into the child's temple.
 
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..." the boy blubbered.
 
"Shudthefuggup." the priest rumbled, closing his eyes and taking another drag from his cigarette, "It's too late for that."
 
"He didn't know! He didn't mean nothin' by it, honest!" the mother cried from the doorway, taking a step forward. "He--"
 
"Back off!" the priest screamed, turning his gun to her, "Back off or I'll blow your brains all over the gawddamn wall!"
 
"Alright," she quavered, extending her shaking hands, "Alright, I didn't mean nothin' by it I swear, just don't hurt him. I'm sure we can work this out."
 
"Ain't nothin' to work out," Father Jameson muttered.

The Vandals on High Street - Chapter 1112

Jacket
Each morning at 5:30 sharp, distinguished historian William H. MacMillan would leap from his third-level bunk bed, flip on the lights, and, jutting out his jaw, begin to beat upon his chest with his fists, declaring himself to be high king of the jungle. His fourteen sisters would grumble and groan, thrashing about in their beds and pulling the quilts over their faces, pleading with him to let them sleep.
 
On this particular morning however, he had other plans.
 
"Sqwawk, sqwawk!" he cried, pecking at the air, "Lazy bones make for lazy days! Sqwawk, sqwawk!"
 
"Uuunnnhhhhhhhhh..." said his sisters.

The Vandals on High Street - Chapter 1,648

Professor

The Tears of One Thousand Generations

Professor Huntington closed his eyes and whipped the tarp dramatically from the enormous machine. It spanned the entire room, ceiling to floor, and was covered entirely in long, flat, brushed steel panels, creating a kind of false wall.
 
"Ladies and Gentlemen," he cried, spreading his arms wide, "I give you the baby crusher!"
 
The room was silent. Someone coughed. The scuffing of feet on the cement floor was clearly audible. Finally a woman near the front raised her pen timidly into the air. Huntington pointed to her.
 
"Yes, you there, the ill-proportioned woman in the two-toned body suit."
 
"Why on earth would anyone want to crush a baby?" she asked, shaking her head. "It's beyond the pale."
 
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