GEORGE LUCAS

George Lucas & The Mysterious Fungus

"What is it?" I asked, eying the large pile of dry brown plant matter uneasily.

"One can't say for sure," George muttered, scooping up a handful and dropping it into his mouth, "I came upon it while tilling the fields. It's true origins remain shrouded in darkness." He sputtered, swallowing.

I picked up a handful and began to chew. The stuff was absolutely foul, and had a texture like dry bark. Grimacing, I choked it down, and sat wondering what I had gotten myself into. It wasn’t long before I started to feel it coming on. I felt slightly disconnected and an almost imperceptible warmth and weightlessness crept into my limbs. I laughed a little and said something like, “Mmmmmmm.”

George stood and looked around. He flexed, grinning and widening his eyes.

“Nnnggg!” he cried, "OHHHH!”

George Lucas In The Bathroom

We pulled into the lot and George swung the car into a handicapped space. I furrowed my brow and peered at the blue sign through the cracked windshield.

“As far as I know,” I said, “You aren’t a handicap.”

“This is justice.” He said, pushing the car door open with his knee. “Why should a cripple get a free ride? Let him put on a stained white work shirt. Let him push despair into the pit of his belly and smile at the customers. I say put down the crutch and pick up a shovel; There’s work to be done.”

George Lucas & The Wedding

We went into the church and walked over to the bar. George stood still for a moment, crossing himself and then began to wring his hands. I shook my head, touching his shoulder.

“Maybe we shouldn’t.” I said, "Anyway it doesn't seem right. How many churches do you know that keep a fully stocked bar? How many, I ask you?"

An Interview With George Lucas

I had been standing under the buzzing streetlamp in the red light district for only a few minutes when I heard the scrape of approaching footsteps. I turned around to find myself staring into the battered face of George Lucas.

“Hhhhhhhelllo pal…” he spat, showering my face with flecks of blood and spit.

I stumbled backwards a few steps, nearly blacking out from the stench of cheap fortified wine.

A Date With George Lucas

At 8 o’clock I saw the headlights. I knew it was George. I ran out the front door and down the steps, taking them two at a time. I pulled open the door and sat down in the passenger seat.

“Oh George!” I said, “I’d know those headlights anywhere!”

“Mmmph.” George said.

He sat hunched in the driver’s seat. The car was filled with a strange and heavy smoke.

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