The Cynical Tourist's Guide to...North Carolina [English]

Tourist's Guide to North Carolina

WHAT A BLAZES? NORTH CAROLINA!

If you are from United States you think there is nothing but strange and sorrowful things in North Carolina. Well, I must tell you! Not true. It is where all the best happens. The province includes a number of activities. Such as the old China saying goes: Those who taught me to fish now become a lover of fish. I plan to do the same on this web page. I will do you like a fish.
 
So, pick up your gourd and your animals, and we will see events in the North Carolina of the U.S. cities!
 
Tourist's Guide to North Carolina - Fall Trees
Death is fact and finds us all.
 

RACE CAR RACE!

Do you have the need for speed? You! Immediately answer! If this describes you, this is where you should go: North Carolina. There is much variety in North Carolina motor racing: NASCAR, the mouse car, monster car, the queer old biddy car, and even the drag shows! Imagine this exciting style of game:
 
1. The driver took off his shirt. Muscles and sex ripple!
 
2. In the red light in the green light. Press the pedal!
 
3. The game started! Around the field jokers rave like a wild beast thunder!
 
4. In the audience, the cry and cheer of impregnated women. Flying menstrual liquids!
 
5. Why is there chicken in the house here? Get out chicken! I do not care about these types of poultry.
 
6. This game attains victory. Celebrate! It is time for a virgin sacrifice to appease the God of motor.
 

Therefore: Let each car fanatic travel to North Carolina, manipulate our meats, and cheer simultaneously! Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
Tourist's Guide to North Carolina - Old Tire
The old shipmate gave me a rash!
 

Outdoors Natures Activities

Mountain is nature's mother protruding breast. While upon them we are strong in all pleasantries, and very happy indeed! In North Carolina, you will see a lots of mountains. Which actions to perform in the mountains? Simple. One, two or three, four go:

Animal Viewing

You can see the animals! One can see a goose fly. One can see that goatee. As one can see a bear's howling roar. As one can see grinning Bobcats. All of this Majesties are here. Shit.

The Snow Tube Adventure

Children and women of low morals will enjoy rubber on the snow! Dangerous notice: Please to observe the rocks and snakes, because they may damage you or the rubber tube.

Walk About

There is nothing like walking amongst the trees and the soil for better performance? I ask you what better? Answer. Please answer. Enough. I am perturbed! If you did not intend to answer me, I give up asking the question!

Ride The White Foam

In the stream you will find a white foam. Deadly and beautiful, as a woman can be. And so: Zip! Zoom! Holler! over the foamy river with speed unparalleled. Doubtless you are making these poor locals jealous.
 
Tourist's Guide to North Carolina - Snow Tubing
Nasty kids! Paying attention to his stools.
 
 

Come See Negroe Graves

As in the other parts of the United States, North Carolina possess black man history. Observance: The black man was brought here, destroyed by whites. Bad, right? Not so! White Jesus's intensity saved the whites, while the black man fell because of his tendency to imbibe the spirits, and because of his crafty nature.
 
So in the state of North Carolina you can view the black man's satanic historic sites and touch their loins for a fee.

As the white man's christian god, said onto the earth: It is a sexual relationship with the Earth.
 
Tourist's Guide to North Carolina - Black Man Map
My massage stick fails, curses!
 

Visiting Museum, O Barbarous One

North Carolina Museums are also the numerous. Americans are dumb, but can learn from these places to be somewhat smarter. What does the America not know? Here is what they think: China pollutes? China can not pilot a vehicle? Stupid American. Not so! Chinese man smarter and faster than ever. Go to your museum and learn even more because you are fools.
 
But...here is now the museums types:
 

Sky Museum (Flight Hall)

Who can believe that birds of metal are flying in the air? Americans can. This is not magic. These aeroplanes are what their slaves built. Travel to museum of the sky to see many pairs of fat men with food in their beards come to see the planes. What is a humorous sight!

Baseball Hall (Sport)

You will believe me, if I tell you that the United States love sports. But perchance, would you also believe me, if I tell you that there is a building in North Carolina to see the sport movement's history? You should believe it, for I speak truth. In Baseball Hall you can see baseballer such as Gaylord and The Catfish Man. But fish? How could catfish play baseball? Do not be afraid: This is a joke. I have done it.

Art Images Hall

You can see here the art of pictures. If Chinese art can be  described as droppings thrown aft upon the wall, this is not the case in America art. Art here is white women with the naked. The United States can even features even the vagina in a print. All I want to see is the vagina from time to time. This may be Chinese crime. Perhaps, I think, the Chairman does not allow it.

Museum of Black The History

As previously said: In America there are brown man and white man. In old time. White man says to brown: You are a child, eat your vittles! And also you should take use of the drinking water without the lips, do not touch the fount or attend bakery schools! Take it! No Jewish allowed.
 
 
 
Tourist's Guide to North Carolina - Cat Painting
Housecats should not eat rubbish.
 

Finals

Thank you for giving me the strength to be with you in carnal knowledge. I hope all of you make the decision of a visit, and take the North Carolina vacation, because they like your money.

Greetings and good night all of you! Zoetrope called magnet bullwhip!
 
 
Photo Credits
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