Web Detritus (Week of 07.04.10)

Weird News Eyeball GuyA haphazard collection of fascinating links, weird news stories, and random crap exhumed from all corners of the internet.

This week: Walmart Masturbation, Godly Mutations, Ethnic Slurs, The World’s Worst Themeparks, High School Teacher Nudity, and Good News About LSD.


WEIRD NEWS

Customer Accused Of Masturbating To Young Boy At Walmart
[A man] was arrested and charged with obscenity after an incident at [a] Walmart. An off-duty Kenner police officer working a security detail at the store was approached by a shopper who wished to remain anonymous [who] told the officer that it looked like the man was in the electronic section of the store masturbating while watching a young boy.

Officers, along with Walmart security, found the man and detained him. After reviewing the surveillance video in the store, it was confirmed that he was masturbating while watching a boy who appeared to be between the ages of 9 and 13, police said.
Some Old Woman Lives With Corpse Of Husband & Twin For Over Decade
A 91-year-old widow had the embalmed corpses of her husband and twin sister dug up, and stored them at her house - in the case of her late husband, for more than a decade - tending to the remains as best she could until police were finally tipped off last month.

She kept her sister, who was dressed in her "best housecoat," on an old couch in a spare room off the bedroom. She sprayed her with expensive perfume that was [her sister’s] favorite. Her husband, who had been laid to rest in a nearby cemetery, wore a dark suit, white shirt and blue knitted tie.

Authorities were looking into possible violations including misdemeanor abuse of a corpse. He also said violations of state health code provisions regulating how bodies must be disinterred are punishable as criminal offenses.

Man Blows Off Own Arm With Dangerous Fireworks, Surprising No One
Police say a man lighting fireworks has blown off his arm at a party on New York's Long Island. Suffolk County police say 36-year-old Eric Smith was using a 3-foot long metal tube to shoot mortars from the street near his Islip Terrace home around 5:45 p.m. Saturday.

Police believe he leaned over the device to ignite it and didn't get out of the way before an explosive shot out of the launcher. His left arm was severed at the shoulder.

Smith was taken to Southside Hospital in serious condition while friends packed the lost limb in ice to try to save it. Police believe doctors will try to reattach his arm.

Insane Egyptian Farmer Accuses God Of Creating Horrifying, Mutated Affront To Nature
A farmer in northern Egypt says his cow has given birth to a two-headed calf that he calls a "divine miracle." Sobhy el-Ganzoury said Saturday it took two hours and much pulling to deliver the rare calf. He said the difficult birth has weakened the calf's legs.
Two Headed Cow Weird News
El-Ganzoury said the veterinarian informed him that the calf, which was born this week, is now in stable condition and is expected to survive. The calf still can't stand up because of its heavy heads and weak legs, and is being fed her mother’s milk with a baby bottle. He said he intends to keep the animal as a reminder that "God is able to do anything [even things he shouldn’t, like create a terrifying, crippled monstrosity that cannot even walk or feed itself]."
Teachers Fired For Alleged Classroom Nudity
A New York high school fired two female teachers who were found one recent evening allegedly drunk and at least partially naked in a classroom, officials said.

New York High School Superintendent Linda Waite's report of the Nov. 20 incident said [a] James Madison High School French teacher and Spanish teacher were found in a classroom at 8:50 p.m. by maintenance workers [who] reported seeing "a woman lying on the floor naked from the waist up" and a school safety officer summoned to the classroom said the women were "naked," with one "on her knees" and one "lying on the floor."

The superintendent said the teachers appeared drunk, displaying slurred speech, red eyes and difficulty walking without stumbling.
 

COOL STUFF

World’s Worst Themeparks

27 Sick & Pathetic Things People Have Done To Save Money

List Of Racial Slurs Organized By Ethnicity

Superfantasticamazing Chart: How Long Will Your Password Stand Up

List of Insane/Cool/Hilarious Effects Felt From Abuse of Cough Syrup

Can LSD Make Someone “Go Crazy”?


STRUTTIN THAT AZZ




ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK





And so ends another fantastic and eventful week on the internet.
 
I bid you farewell.