Web DetritusA
reasonably interesting collection of fascinating links, strange news
stories, and other random junk I found on the internet.

This week: Chinese Spike Benches, Public Pool Defecation,
Genital-Exposing Short Shorts, Secretly Gay Husbands, Twinkies, Born
Again Racists, and
Pinpointing The Exact Moment Star Wars Started To Suck.

WEIRD NEWS

Chinese
Benches Use Spikes To Deter Bench Hogs

Spikes

Park officials in China have found a way to stop people from hogging
their benches for too long - by fitting steel spikes on a coin-operated
timer. If visitors at the Yantai Park in Shangdong province, eastern
China, linger too long without feeding the meter, dozens of sharp
spikes shoot through the seat.

The spikes are too short to cause any serious harm - but long enough to
prevent people from sitting on them comfortably.

"We have to make sure the facilities are shared out evenly and this
seems like a fair way to stop people grabbing a bench at dawn and
staying there all day," said one park official.

Genital-Exposing
Man Attempts To Steal RC Cola Delivery Truck

Oklahoma City police arrested a registered sex offender who
is accused
of threatening customers at a restaurant and trying to steal a soda
truck while wearing shorts that exposed his buttocks and genitals.
 
An officer who had just finished his lunch was in the parking lot when
he saw a shirtless and barefoot man walk into the restaurant, the
report states. Part of the man's buttocks were exposed. he man walked
quickly out of the restaurant moments later and headed toward an RC
Cola delivery truck parked behind it, according to the report. He
looked through the driver's side window, got inside the truck and tried
to start it.
 
The man soon jumped out and the officer ordered him to the ground at
gunpoint, the report states. The man's face and shorts were covered in
gold paint, and his genitals were exposed through the shorts' open
zipper.
 
A restaurant patron who was there with his wife and daughter told
police the man threatened them with a knife, but he ran away when an
employee yelled at him to leave.

White
Trash Church Plans To Burn Qur'ans In Celebration Of Own Idiocy

A [hilariously backwards] Gainesville church says it plans
to burn
copies of [what they assume to be] the Qur’an, even after the city
denied a permit to do so. The Dove World Outreach Center [a branch of
the National Association For The Advancement Of Baseless Racial &
Religious Bigotry] says it wants to burn Qur’ans to mark the ninth
anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks [which were perpetuated by
relegious extremists who bear a striking similarity to the
mountain-dwelling, slack-jawed humanoid creatures who patronize The
Dove World Outreach Center, albiet with a slightly darker skin tone].
 
The city says the church will be fined if it follows through with the
burning, but the [members of the church beat upon their sunken,
hairless chests and howled while bearing their yellowing hillbilly
teeth and said they would] not step down.
 
The church made headlines last year after distributing t-shirts that
read "Islome is the devill. [sic]"

Two
Arrested For Defecation Prank At Pool

Two teens are facing felony charges following a prank that
shut down
the main swimming pool at an exclusive Tampa Bay area resort. Security
guards at the Renaissance Vinoy in downtown St. Petersburg say they
witnessed [two men] defecating in the hotel pool shortly after midnight
Thursday. Investigators say the two men then smeared their feces on the
bottom of the pool.

Cline and Harris were both arrested on felony burglary charges because
the cost to clean the pool ran into the thousands of dollars. The
hotel's manager says this is at least the second time in recent weeks
the pool has been shut down because of such actions.

COOL STUFF

How The Star Wars Franchise Became A
Worthless Piece Of Shit

 
Photos
Of All 37 Ingredients In A Twinkie

 
9
Signs Your Gay Husband Might Be Gay

The
US Criminal Justice System Is Absolutely Terrifying


Anti-Tank Dogs: Horrifying Awesomeness

 
Alright
Fine: This Steampunk House Is Actually Pretty Cool

 
The
Dancing Plague of 1518

Highest
Paying Jobs You Can Get With a Two Year Degree

Superfantastico
Amazing Soft Drink Visualization Chart

 

Let's
Get Rid Of The Fucking Penny Already

IM DA BEST

ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK

Boondock
Saints 2: All Saints Day

All Caps Review