haphazard collection of fairly cool links, weird news stories,
messed-up videos, and plenty of other random
crap from all corners of the internet.
This Week: Walmart Masturbators, Goodfellas, Urination Rules, Animal
Abuse Via Chainsaw, Inexplicable Bus Thieves, Study Bibles, &
Enormous Bellowing Transvestites.
At approximately 1756 hours I was dispatched to [Walmart]
to a possible lude and lescivious act. Upon arrival I met with [three
employees] who stated that [they had observed] a male [choking the
proverbial bishop] in the toy section of the store.
[A scarred-for-life female employee] stated that she heard what she
thought was moaning noises coming from one of the aisles. She said she
rounded the corner and observed [the suspect] standing with his
[engorged lovetoy] out of his pants. Upon arrival, [a loss prevention
associate] observed a male with his [tumescent whipper] out of his
pants [throttling it] to a magazine. He advised that the defendant then
[messily completed the act] onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy
[before] discarding the magazine behind some toys and proceeding to the
front of the store.
A New Mexico man faces animal cruelty charges after
authorities say he
used a chainsaw to kill a pit bull while his two children watched.
[Police say the man] told investigators the 2-year-old dog bit his
9-year-old daughter [and] felt the dog should be put down, so he
grabbed a kitchen knife and tried to cut its throat. When that failed,
Sexton told deputies he used the chainsaw.
Officials became aware of the incident Wednesday when an investigator
from the state Children, Youth and Families Department alerted deputies
about children who were having nightmares and reported seeing the dog's
Chicago transit officials said a man stole a uniform and
posed as a bus
driver, driving around the city for several hours and picking up
passengers. Chicago Transit Authority President Richard Rodriguez said
Thursday that the man drove the bus from 8 p.m. to midnight on Sept. 9.
The suspect was found out when he returned the bus to a CTA garage on
the city's South Side and hit another bus. The suspect took off when a
CTA employee went to get a supervisor.
Completely Worthless Collectibles [TheStreet]
ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK
RANDOM PRODUCTS I APPROVE OF