There's not really much I can say about this week's Weird News column that hasn't already been said a thousand times over, but here's a short poem I wrote about it.
Astronauts snorting coke,
The baby Jesus covered in urine.
Casting spells brings love,
Creamed and cropped for Dragon Ball Z
Weird News Stories of The WeekCocaine Found in NASA Hangar
NASA is investigating how a bag of cocaine got into the hangar that houses space shuttle Discovery at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. NASA spokesman Allard Beutel said Thursday that the bag contained a tiny amount of the illegal substance. It was found by a worker in a secure part of the hangar that is accessible by about 200 NASA employees and contractors.Man Poses as Baseball Player, Steals Car
Authorities in Utah said a man stole a car from a dealership by claiming to be a Major League Baseball player and promising to return to pay later. Papers filed in Utah state court charge [the man] with using documents identifying him as Chicago Cubs outfielder Tyler Colvin to buy a $50,000 2010 Dodge pickup Tuesday from a Ken Garff dealership in West Valley City with the promise to return with payment the following day.Burglar Steals Only Shoes, Photos of Men
Newark police are looking for a burglar who steals men's shoes and photos that depict men. Five homes have been burglarized since Dec. 26 by a man who entered through an unlocked door or window or forced entry through a rear door.Man Comes Home, Finds Hooded Stranger Doing Laundry
Police said the burglar searches the bedrooms and makes off with men's shoes and photographs of men.
A 19-year-old man came home about 3 p.m. Thursday and heard his dryer running.He had no clothes in it, so he went to see who did. The dryer is behind a screen door on the patio of the home in the 1500 block of Stonehaven Drive in Boynton Beach.Student Apologizes For Urinating on Baby Jesus
The teen discovered a hooded stranger doing his laundry. Upon confrontation, the hot-air thief grabbed his clothes and ran away, according to a police report.
A student at a northeastern Pennsylvania Roman Catholic college has apologized for urinating on a public nativity scene. The student, 22, said Monday he "was being a drunken idiot" a day earlier when he urinated on the nativity scene in Wilkes-Barre's public square.Floor at Weight-Watchers Meeting Collapses (...)
He was charged with public drunkenness, indecent exposure, open lewdness and desecration of venerated objects.
The participants said they were gathered at the Vaxjo clinic Wednesday night to measure the amount of weight they had lost with the help of the program when they heard a loud noise shortly followed by the collapse of the floor.
"We suddenly heard a huge thud; we almost thought it was an earthquake and everything flew up in the air. The floor collapsed in one corner of the room and along the walls," one of the members said.
The group said the floor then gave out in other parts of the room and the smell of sewage spread throughout the area.
Shitty Website of The Week
When I first discovered Kyra Meadows Spell Casting Site, I was somewhat skeptical. I asked myself "How could a spell cause things to happen...are spells even real?" Well it turns out that they are. I know this because the person who made this website charges large ammounts of money to perform spells for them, and people wouldn't pay money for something which was impossible. So obviously magic must be real.
Here are some of the spells you can purchase (oh, sorry, "donate for") and their prices:
And just in case you still think this is some kind of scam (shame on you) I offer you a few more pieces of evidence that this site is for real:
LOVE ME NOW SPELL - $120Grows feelings of love towards you in your intended.
REUNITE US SPELL - $120Fixes relationship problems in existing or past relationships.
FAST CASH SPELL - $100If you have a bill you needed to pay yesterday, or you need a quick sum of money very fast, this spell is for you.
RICH LIFE SPELL - $120Do you dream of a life of luxury and riches? People who have ordered this spell have gone on to see what they refer to as 'money miracles'.
AURA CLEANSING - $120Clear negative energies or "bad vibes" from your aura.
1. The spellcaster's name is Kyra MeadowsThis combination of a somewhat new-agey first name and reasonably nature-y last name has been favored by spellcasters since the beginning of time.
2. The spellcaster provices a number of photgraphs of herself in flowing robesA number of soft focus photos of a mildly attractive white woman in billowy clothing in some sort of glen or meadow go a long way towards convincing me she is a witch.
3. The spellcaster gives her "word"As we all know, a man's word is his bond. I assume this goes for women as well, so this promise holds a lot of weight:
*I WILL NEVER ASK FOR ANY MORE MONEY FROM YOU TO COMPLETE YOUR SPELL.* A common 'trick' of some unethical spell casters is to email you partway through the spell and say that there has been a problem, and in order to continue, they will need more from you. I will never do that to you, you have my word.This is reassurring to say the least. So long as you've paid--er, I mean DONATED--the original $125 dollars for that "remove curse" spell, the caster won't try to "scam" you by asking for any more. What a relief!
4. Kyrameadows.com provides a LENGTHY WALL OF LEGAL TEXT
Only real businesses do this, so obviously this site is legit. Especially comforting is this short passage from the second paragraph
Your usage of these products constitutes a spiritual endeavor and no guarantees or warranties are made, expressed, or implied as to the results of these spiritual endeavors whether made by you or us.So there you have it. The spells might not do anything at all (so don't ask for you money back if they don't), but aside from that, everything is 100% above board.
I have to say, it's nice to see an honest business for once.
Video of The Week
Product of The Week
Medical Legal Aspects of Medical Records Textbook - $9,999.98 (New)
This is an excellent buy for anyone who is interested in the medical legal aspects me medical records. I purchased this as a gift for my ex father-in-law (a retired firefighter) and he went absolutely ape for it! His wife tells us he reads it every day, and just can't get enough. As a gift, I would rate this book a 10/10.
All Caps Customer Review of The WeekDragon Ball Z - Season One (Vegeta Saga)
And that's that.