Weird News & Links (Week of 01.17.09)

  Weird News & Links - Giant Rodent
Listen up people, this is Weird News & Links: A weekly roundup of all the most irrelevant & pointless news stories I could find without putting too much effort into it. I've also thrown a few interesting links in this week as well, including (but not limited to) Wearable Ninja Turtles Memorabilia & Stories About People Who Were Sexually Assaulted By Ghosts.
 
So let's get started, won't we?
 

Weird News Stories of The Week

Man Breaks Into House Dressed as Cowboy, Threatens Dog
Iowa City police say a drunken man dressed like a cowboy broke into a house and threatened to kill the resident's dog. Police said 24-year-old Derrick Thomas Alger of Iowa City was arrested early Thursday morning on charges of trespass, intoxication and carrying a dangerous weapon.

Officers said Alger reportedly threatened a cab driver with a handgun shortly after midnight. They say Alger, who was dressed in shorts, boots and a cowboy hat, fled the scene, but entered the rear door of a private residence, where he demanded to know who the residents were and threatened their barking dog.
Disabled Man Given 3 Years in Jail for Dancing With Giant Rabbit
Swedish man on disability claiming to be wheelchair-bound was given a three-year jail term after being caught dancing with a life-sized bunny, records show.
 
Halmstad district court sentenced the 33-year-old after police, following up a neighbor's tip, searched his house and found a picture of the man dancing with an amusement park's costumed rabbit mascot, the Swedish news agency TT reported Friday.
Drivers Call 911 Over Suicidal Mannequin
[A] Connecticut billboard with a life-sized mannequin and teddy bear on top is prompting emergency calls from alarmed motorists.  The drivers are concerned the figures are real and about to fall off the billboard, which stands above Interstate 95 in Bridgeport. Dispatchers at State Police Troop G barracks have been telling callers the man isn't real and the figures have been up there a while.

The mannequin, who is wearing pajamas, was lifted to the top of the billboard with the teddy bear about two months ago.
Man Cited for "Rocking Out" To John Denver
Police responding to a complaint of loud noise have cited a Fond du Lac man for "rocking out" to the music of John Denver. [Officers] pounded on the door but the man didn't answer. Finally the officer found out the man's name from a neighbor and called to him, bringing the man to the door. When asked why he had the music so loud, the man said he was "rocking out."

[The] 42-year-old was cited for unnecessary loud noise.

Shitty Webpage of The Week

Weird News & Links - Sexually Assaulted By A Ghost
I found this page by searching google for the phrase "sexually assaulted by a ghost". Most of the results weren't of much use, but this one jumped out at me right away as being useful to my reader(s). As far as I'm concerned, you can never get too much information about ghosts committing grope.
 
Here are some of the more informative portions.

Ghastly Phone Sex

Paranormal Telephone scatologia: a ghost being sexually aroused by making obscene phone calls to living strangers from Ghosts. I recently came cross a woman from California that says she gets obscene calls from a dead man. [He] calls her every few days and gives her the dirtiest phone calls that would make a sailor blush she states. "I know it is from a dead man because he use to call me when he was alive. "I even had a restraining order put against him while he was living and arrested 6 times because of it... When he died I thought it was all over," but I was wrong she tells.

Raped By Haunted Dolls

Paranormal Haunted Doll fetish Doll fetishism is a sexual fetish in which an individual is attracted to having sex with haunted dolls and doll like objects such as figurines. The attraction may include the desire for actual sexual contact with a haunted doll, a fantasy of a sexual encounter with an animate or inanimate doll Possessed by a spirit entity or demon.

[In a] recent email [a woman] told me of how after a visit by the local ghost busters the ghost that haunts her doll threw her down on the floor and had it's way with her. She goes on to tell that the Ghost hunters were supposed to come back with the help of a psychic and clear her home... now she wants the ghost to stay. And ask me honestly, is the relationship with her and the ghost a healthy one?

Fondled By Tickling Ghosts

Paranormal Tickling fetishism [is] a paraphilia in which participants derive sexual stimulation from tickling, or being tickled by [a ghost].

A former Client of Mickey of Miami [???] told her how each day a ghost would pin her down and tickle her for over an hour each day until exhausted she would fall asleep causing her to be late for work and important dates and meetings. Mickey advised her that the next time she thought it would happen tell the ghost that she had a safe word. She did and now the ghost stops when she uses it.

Masturbated By Spirits

Ghost often like to masturbate people in public or cemeteries or so I have been told by a psychic paranormal investigator from Florida who tells that this occurs to him twice daily. He told me how a ghost actually performed Felatio on him at a funeral while he was fully dressed.

Sexy Paddled By Bondage Ghosts

I am currently doing research into the phenomena of a man in Dallas, Texas who says he is often held down and Paddled by several ghosts demons or entities.

[The man] says he has been paddled by this ghost and his cohorts since he was 15 years of age. He is now 45, and the ghost or entity has followed him to where ever he has moved.

The victim tells me that it began one night in his early teens when he had smoked pot for the very first time. He remembers going home and having his pants pulled down by unseen hands and being spanked fiercely. The next morning he found big red hand marks on his buttocks and upper thighs.

As time went on the ghost starting using everything from hair brushes, electric cords, Shoes spatulas Oil Dip sticksa dog leash, fky swatter and paddles.
I could go on (oh how I want to go on...), but obviously I can't just reprint the entire site here. I recommend you go and CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF if you need a good laugh, though.


Video of The Week



Product of The Week

Weird News & Links - Turtles Funky Cozy
Cuddle up with your favorite turtle! Stay nice 'n toasty while you reach for a pizza slice in this fleece blanket with sleeves and a Leonardo body print. Ah, turtle power never felt so...soft!
Fuck.
 
 

All Caps Customer Review of The Week

Kevin Trudeau - The Weight Loss Cure They Don't Want You to Know About
Weird News & Links - Kevin Trudeau

 
 
That'll do it for this week's episode of Weird News. Godspeed Godspeed.