Weird News (Week of 02.28.10)

Weird News Old People Fencing
This time around, a Chinese teacher stabs children with needles, illegal circumcision, and Rapid Crack Propagation in Polyethylene Pipes. Also some Polish guy eats a lottery ticket on an airplane. Oh world! You so crazy.


WEIRD NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEK

Chinese Schoolteacher Stabs 63 Students With Syringe
A kindergarten teacher in southwestern China has admitted she used an empty hypodermic needle to prick 63 of her students on the hands, feet and buttocks as punishment for bad behavior.

None of the children has tested positive for infectious diseases but their parents have demanded compensation totaling 1.8 million yuan ($265,000), more than a Chinese teacher makes in 50 years. It did not say how the abuse was discovered or whether the needle pricks became infected or caused injuries.

The [teacher] has been diagnosed with an unidentified personality [dis]order and faces charges of "endangering public security by dangerous methods,"
Psychotic, Heavily-Muscled Superman Battled Police
A 24-year-old man who accused of attacking two Rochester police officers Wednesday laughed when one of the officers used a Taser to try to arrest him, according to court documents. Even pepper spray did not completely subdue [the man], but it slowed him enough so that officers could finally take him into custody.

[The 18th century strong man] was at Boehm Lodge for a meeting with Jason M. Parsons, a mental health counselor. [He] was agitated and had been vulgar with staff members. Parsons suggested to [the enormous man-beast] that he should go to a hospital emergency room for an evaluation, and "he responded by clenching his fists and grinding his teeth."

"He said he was happy and he gave me an odd grin. I sensed that he was in a psychotic state," Parsons said in his statement.

Two officers arrived before the ambulance, and they met [the terrifying human golem] outside the building where he was smoking a cigarette. They told Sutton he had to go to the hospital and Sutton started to walk away. [The man then beat the shit out of both officers while bellowing insanely until backup arrived and arrested him].
Man Goes "Fear & Loathing" on Hotel Room
The Calhoun County Sheriff's Office said a 53-year-old Dearborn Heights, Mich., man, whose name was not released, surrendered to authorities at about 8:30 a.m. Sunday after firing a gun at the bed, window, walls and ceiling of his room at the Albion Inn, the Jackson (Mich.) Citizen-Patriot reported Monday.

Turpin said the man left a note in the hotel room reading: "God delivered me from evil and placed me in Albion, Michigan." [He] also put the room's alarm clock in a microwave and switched it on.
Man Wins Lottery on Airplane, Angrily Eats Ticket
[An] unnamed man was flying with Ryanair from Krakow, in Poland, to East Midlands Airport when he won €10,000 ($13,500) with [a] scratch card.

Cabin crew on the flight confirmed he had a winning card, but told the passenger he would have to collect the jackpot directly from the company that runs the competition as they did not have enough cash on board the plane. Ryanair said the man then became frustrated and started to eat his winning ticket while on the flight on Thursday. His rash actions mean he has lost any chance of claiming the prize money, which will now be donated to charity.
 
Stephen McNamara, a spokesman for Ryanair, said the cabin crew and some passengers had attempted to persuade [sic] the man not to eat the ticket, but he stood up and ate it anyway.
Man Allegedly Performed Illegal Circumcisions From Home
A man who police say peformed circumcisions without a license from his home has been arrested and charged with operating an unauthorized practice as a health professional. "He had a mini operating room type atmosphere set up at his house and he wore a laboratory coat, and he was even able to administer a local anesthetic before the procedure," said Lt. Kevin Kelley.

"I don't know who would go to somebody's house for a surgery," said neighbor Larry Benson, who says he has known [the accused] for several years. Heugel networked on Web sites such as Craigslist and adam4adam. Kolakowski says he has scoured those sites, but so far they cannot find any ads posted by Heugel offering circumcisions.

Heugel is also charged with performing body piercings and massages without a license.

SHADY WEBSTORE OF THE WEEK

Weird News Stories Herb Store
By Martin "The Baron" Hubley"
Howdly folks, The Baron here writing a special segment on organic medicine. As many of you might be aware, I personally don't agree with the idea of taking pills when I get sick. Manufactured medicines dilute the earth's essence, and therefore are no more effective than a placebo in reliving pain, illnesses, and sickness. In some cases they may even cause worse sickness than the illness the pill-popper was trying to get rid of. For example, I had a friend who got migraines, so he would take an Ibuprofen almost every other day. When he turned 68, the doctors said that if he continued to take the ibuprofen, he might damage his liver. Just goes to show you that drugs are too dangerous for humans and can even kill you. The liver is a pretty important body part.
 
Although I do not believe in retail medicine, I do believe in herbs. Herbs have been around for decades, and can be used to cure any illness (so long as you take enough of them). Discount Natural Herbs sells only the best herbs. The best part is, almost none of them have been tested scientifically, and you can just take whatever dose of them you feel like.
 
Let's have a look at some of my faves.


Ma Huang

This little number is great for the sniffles, colds, flus, and ringworm. I usually grind about a half pound into a cup of (organic) lipton tea. It perks me up for a few days, and I get a heck of a lot of housework done. The FDA and "doctors" tried to ban Ma Huag and say Ma Huang can cause heart attacks, stroke, or death. Puppy cock and nonsense. First of all the Chinee have been using Ma Huang for years, so it must not be harmful. Second of all, all drugs have side-effects. Oh brother.

Burdock Root

This is a wonderful blood cleaner. When I notice the symptoms of my blood dirtying (headache, sweating, bloody nose, dizzyness, smell of burning hair) I just take a couple handfulls of Burdock and it usually clears itself up for a few hours. I couldn't live without it. Burdock is free, as I can pick it in a field behind my house.

Bilberries

These magical berries help the user achieve what has always been humanity's greatest dream: Nightvision. I often chump down a few Billberries before my nightly walks and it helps me see in the dark tremendously. Sometimes the effect is even so great, that I can see the back of my eyelids while my eyes are closed! It was weird at first, but once you get used to it, it's pretty durned neat.
 
I haven't figured out how to order anything from this site yet (I think the internet at my house may have an error or two in it) but once I do, y'alls will be the first to know. Happy herbing out there!
 
 

AMAZING VIDEO OF THE WEEK


 
 

PRODUCT OF THE WEEK

Weird News Polythene Pipes
The Dependence of Rapid Crack Propagation in Polyethylene Pipes on the Plane Stress Fracture Energy of the Resin. :An article from: Polymer Engineering and Science [HTML] (Digital) - $5.95
 
Norman Brown is one of my favorite authors. Every article he writes for Polymer Engineering and Science manages to make my hair stand on end. No exaggeration. His most current work: Polymer Engineering and Science. Is no exception to this rule. As I walked around the house reading through this 3179 word article, my wife had to follow behind me with a handful of bath towels, sopping up the excrement I uncontrollably released out of excitement.
 
If Mr. Brown were a woman, I would gladly meet with him in a seedy hotel room to engage in any sort of debauchery he saw fit to inflict upon my lower regions. But as he is a man, I suppose I shall have to settle for a tender kiss on the upper thigh.
 
GET THIS BOOK!
 
 

ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK

Weird News Cool Runnings
 


That's it for this time, but remember if you have any terrible websites or weird news stories that you think are (not) worth my time you can Submit Them Here.