Weird News (Week of 03.14.10)

I think the only thing I need to say about this week's roundup is that it features the story of a man who supposedly committed suicide by stabbing himself repeatedly in the upper thigh with a large, blunt, souvenir pencil which held high sentimental value to him. I did not make this up.
 
Oh and also, I wrote into a freeze-dried pet website to see how much it would cost to freeze and pose my cat.
 
See for yourself below, if you feel like it.
 
 

WEIRD NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEK

Man Commits Suicide by Stabbing Self in Groin With Giant Novelty Pencil

A window cleaner died after stabbing himself in the groin repeatedly with a jumbo souvenir pencil, an inquest heard. [The man] 57, was found by police in a blood-soaked room in his house on September 27. When police broke into his house they found [him] lying on his back, wearing only his underpants.
 
The room was splattered with blood and music was still playing on his stereo. The giant blood-covered pencil was beside him.

He had a deep gash in his upper thigh. [The cornoner told reporters] “It’s a mystery to me. If you were choosing to take your own life, that’s not the way you would do it. It seems to me that it can’t have been a single stab wound. He seems to have worked on it. The pencil was blunt.”

[The man's] sister told the hearing the pencil had sentimental value to her brother as it once belonged to their late mother.

Man Smoked Pot, Put Baby in Oven

[Police have] charged [a man] with wanton endangerment for allegedly leaving his 5-week-old son in an oven for hours. [The man] told investigators he smoked marijuana at a restaurant where he worked. The marijuana made him feel strange, and he suspected it might have been laced with another drug to make him hallucinate.
 

[He] returned to the home and drank about a fifth of whiskey. His Girlfriend (the mother of the child) went to bed [while he]finished the bottle of whiskey. About 5:30 a.m., [the mother] was awakened by the baby's cries and found her son in the oven, which was not completely shut. Detectives think the baby might have been in the oven for a few hours.

An ambulance took the boy, who was not identified, to a Paducah hospital. Doctors determined he suffered no injuries, Hayden said.

68-Year-Old Punches Children in Head at Walmart

[A 68-year-old grandfather] was caught Wednesday night at Wal-Mart after a 6-year-old boy complained to his mother that [the man] had punched the back of his head.

Police said a review of the surveillance video in the store confirmed not only the assault on that boy but other assaults on his 7-year-old brother and two other children who haven't been identified.

[The man] told police he would put his keys between his fingers and strike the children when their parents weren't looking. He said he'd been doing it since January because he liked the excitement of getting away with it.

Small Boy Trapped in Claw Grabber Candy Machine

Cohen Stone, 2, climbed inside the claw grabber machine in an Italian restaurant, where his mother, Kyra, 24, had brought him to celebrate a friend's birthday.

Kyra, from Perth, in Western Australia, said: "I had been playing with him in the children's area but took my eye off him for two minutes as the food arrived at our table. When I turned back, he was inside the machine. My first thought was 'Oh my God.' The hole was tiny. I have no idea how he did it."

A local locksmith was called to Siena's restaurant to free the little boy, who was released 45 minutes later.

Elderly Man Smashed Door With Garden Hoe

Florida authorities said an 80-year-old man was arrested for attacking his neighbors' door with a garden hoe because he thought they stole his cookies.

[Police] said the [residents] called 911 Sunday and reported they were awakened by a "loud banging at the door" that turned out to be neighbor Gene Edward Chambers hitting the door with a garden hoe. He accused his neighbors of sneaking into his house during the night and stealing seven boxes of "Little Debbie Oatmeal Cookies."

A deputy who searched Chambers' home for signs of theft found five boxes of the snacks and a Walmart receipt from the previous day confirming he had purchased five boxes. Chambers was mistaken thinking he had bought seven boxes.

PRODUCT OF THE WEEK

I know, I know, LAST week was Dead Pet Preservation Week, but I figured I would feature this service as sort of a low-cost alternative for those who didn't wish to pay more than $5000 dollars to preserve their pet. Also, this site had photos. Photos too fascinating to resist!
 
So with that, I present to you: Photographs of pets which have been freeze-dried in various poses and then sent back to their proud (and somewhat strange) owners.

 
The site's owners did not give a price on their site, so I emailed them for a quote on my cat.

I was wondering if I could get a ballpark estimate of how much it might cost to preserve my cat when she dies. She is a tortoiseshell and weighs around 5 pounds.
 
Thanks, and I look forward to hearing back from you!

Unfortunately they never emailed me back. If I would have been a real customer, they almost certainly would have lost my business. Not cool.
 
 

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK

Nickelback - Dark Horse

 
 

I hope you've enjoyed this week's pointless (and somewhat morbid) episode of Weird News. As always, you can submit any internet strangeness (sites, photos, videos) you come across HERE.