Ho hum. Just another boring week of puppies being tossed at motorcycle gangs, cocaine-addicted funeral directors gyrating in the nude, 60 foot tall flaming Jesuses, library/condiment crime sprees, human head smugglers, nearly indecipherable alien abduction stories, and ice cream man turf wars.
If only something strange or mildly humorous would occur.
WEIRD NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEKGerman Kid Throws Puppy At Hell's Angels
A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria after making a rude gesture at a group of Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang members, hurling a puppy at them and then escaping on a stolen bulldozer. German police say after making his getaway from the Hell’s Angels club, the 26-year-old dumped the bulldozer, causing a 5 km traffic jam near the southern town of Allershausen, local police said.Funeral Director Allegedly Knows How To Party
He then fled to his home nearby where he was apprehended by the police.
State regulators in Ohio have shut down a funeral home where a director is accused of mishandling a corpse and other misdeeds. The state board that licenses funeral homes outlined a long list of accusations against [the man, including]:God Sends Message To Church, Burns Their 6-Story Jesus Statue To The Ground
- Leaving a body unrefrigerated for 13 days
- Being often naked, half-clothed, intoxicated, or addicted to the use of morphine, cocaine, or other habit-forming or illegal drugs
- Putting a jacket of a deceased man on in front of the man's family
- Threatening and harassing employees
- Failing to sterilize all instruments for embalming
- Failing to destroy waste materials properly
- Misappropriation of money from memorial contributions
[The man] said Tuesday that none of the administrative charges are true and that he's being set up by a competitor. He blames this entire situation on another funeral home, claiming they have tried to sabotage his business since opening in 1994.
A six-story-tall statue of Jesus Christ with his arms raised along a highway was struck by lightning in a thunderstorm Monday night and burned to the ground, police said.Police Finally Solve String of Vicious, Condiment-Related Crimes
The "King of Kings" statue, one of southwest Ohio's most familiar landmarks, had stood since 2004 at the evangelical Solid Rock Church along Interstate 75 in Monroe, just north of Cincinnati. The sculpture, 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso up and was nicknamed Touchdown Jesus because of the way the arms were raised. It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is all that remained early Tuesday.
Authorities said a 74-year-old Boise woman arrested after pouring mayonnaise in the Ada County library's book drop box is a person of interest in at least 10 other condiment-related crimes. [The woman] was picked up Sunday at the library, moments after police say she pulled through the outside drive-through and dumped a jar of mayo in the box designated for reading materials.Ice Cream Turf War Escalates With Threats of Violence
Boise police say Cassidy is under investigation for other cases of vandalism that started in May 2009. Library employees have reported finding books in the drop box covered in corn syrup and ketchup.
Police said an ice-cream vendor threatened another vendor with a knife and told her to get off his turf. The man acknowledged talking with the woman Sunday in a cul-de-sac but denied making threats. Police found a knife in his truck and arrested him for investigation of assault.Yawn...Dozens Of Human Heads Found On Airplane
The Daily Herald of Everett reported the 51-year-old man appeared in District Court Monday and was ordered held on $25,000 bail. The woman said she didn't think she was violating the unwritten code among vendors about where they sell frozen treats.
Dozens of human heads were intercepted by a Southwest Airlines employee last week, the airline confirmed Thursday. The heads, which were intercepted in Little Rock, Ark., were handed over to local officials who are now investigating whether or not the heads were properly obtained. The package was on its way to the Fort Worth office of Medtronic, a Minnesota-based medical research and technology company, NBC's affiliate in Dallas Fort-Worth reported. Little Rock police handed the package over to the country coroner.Drunk Man Strips To Underwear, Threatens Customers At Grand Opening
The coroner is currently investigating whether the heads were legally obtained.
"We've come to the conclusion that there is a black market out there for human body parts for research or for whatever reason," Pulaski County coroner Garland Camper told NBC Dallas Fort-Worth. "We just want to make sure these specimens here aren't a part of that black market and underground trade."
An intoxicated man was arrested during Tuesday’s grand opening celebration at Price Chopper for stripping down to his underwear and threatening to kill employees who attempted to escort him from the premises. Employees [say the man] was in front of the store asking customers to “[fucking] dance with him” and then the suspect proceeded to strip down to his underwear, police said.
When store employees tried to remove Cialeglio he allegedly became belligerent, saying things like, “When I get a chance I’m going to bash both of your [fucking] heads in,” and “I’m going to kick your [ass] and I’m going to [fucking] kill you,” according to police. He also attempted to hit the employees who tried to restrain him until police arrived.
As police were transporting Cialeglio to headquarters, he told officers that he was going to bash in the head of those “Price Chopper guys,” according to the arrest report.
During the booking process, he was uncooperative and told police he was going to shoot them.
ALIEN ABDUCTION BLOG OF THE WEEK
New Alien Abduction Blog
The New Alien Abduction Blog provides an invaluable service to those who have been abducted/molested by alien beings. Abduction stories are all-too-often dismissed by the general public as "complete bullshit" and "the ravings of braindamaged lunatics", but thankfully NAAB provides these poor befondled souls with news and information regarding alien abduction, as well as an outlet for their shamerage. Here are some excerpts from a few of the most shocking (true) stories. Please be warned that some of these are highly sexual or violent in nature and as such should not be read by small children or Pentecostals.
Martin"Hi My name is Martin. I was abducted when I was 13 from my bedroom. I did not realize I was abducted till later on in life when I would have flash backs, but now I remember everything so clearly. They did tests on my and even punctured my testicles with small metal objects, I think they drained my human man liquid."
Reuben"Hello sir my name is Reuben my age is 19 I am having alien abduction experience form the age of 15. Every night between 3 and 4 my sleep would break don’t know much what happens after that because when I wake up I feel very bad or scared there is a feeling of huge flow of electricity shock on my head and I don’t know when it ends.
But one night I kept my balcony door opened which is connected to my bed room at night I could see the trees out side the door and I went to sleep between 3 or 4 I woke up and with same feeling and I saw a person or alien standing near my balcony door and he was naked, body color what I saw was white could be something else because it was night and moons light was reflecting and what was different was his face his eyes were big black and his mouth was small rest of his body was like a normal human.
I still remember I was able to see the hairs like human on hand and leg and he was staring at me was not moving and at that time I was so scared and there was a disturbing noise behind my head like a motor or buzzing noise my hand and legs were shivering of fear in fear I ran and pushed that person or alien I ran to my dads bed room before I reach to my dads bed room there was a white light and I woke at my room back at 5 that was I think my abduction experience I am still having this weird feeling at 3 or 4 AM but some times I used to wake up and use to stare at watch at this time please I need some help this is disturbing me a lot now a days I am scared to sleep at night. I used to sleep at day time and I am having problem in my studies."
Andy S"[I] would like real photos of aliens or thier ships. I also have missing time in the early 80's. Dont remember much at all,but a few years later i was wshing up and something popped out of my belly button,it was oval shape,small ,looked like a colorful rock,in an instant i knew what it was ,it was a tracking device, i threw it away. I always had the feeling of bieng watched in a sort of way. thanks Andy s."
DREAMMER"ALL MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN A DREAMER,EVERY NIGHT ATLEAST ONE OR TWO DREAMS.
A COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO I HAD A DREAM THAT FREAKED ME OUT TO THE POINT THAT I FORCED MYSELF TO WAKE UP.I WAS FLYING AND SAID TO MYSELF ITS NICE FOR ONCE TO HAVE CONTROL OF THIS DREAM.
AS I ALMOST HAD TO PRY MY EYES OPEN THROUGHT THE DARK I SAW IT STANDING AT THE FOOT OF MY BEAD,WITH ONE ARM RASED A SLENDER BODY AND A LOG HEAD WITH DARK EYE. THE THING WAS I WAS NOT SLEEP. I BLINKED AND IT WAS GONE. AFTER GETTING UP AND USING THE BATHROOM I THOUGHT EVERYONE ALWAYS I SAW AN ALIEN OR I WAS TAKEN. I FELT LIKE WITH EVERY DREAM I EVER HAD AND I HAVE HAD A LOT.
I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING TESTED TO SEE HOW I WOULD REACT TO BEING PUT IN COONTLESS SITUATIONS. WE ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A ODDITY THAT CAME TO REST ON THIS BLUE MARBLE.THEY'RE ONLY INTEREST IT SEEMS IS WHAT MAKES US TICK AND TEASING US WITH GLIMPSES OF SHIPS FROM TIME TO TIME.I ONLY HOPE THAT AFTER THER'RE FINISHED LOOKING US OVER AND THEY'VE LEARNED WHAT THEY NEED, I HOPE THEY DON'T TAKE OUR LITTLE BLUE PLANET FROM US."
PUZZLING FETISH VIDEO OF THE WEEK (WORKSAFE)
ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW / EPIC POEM OF THE WEEK
LINK ROUNDUPCool Book Recommendation Site (EXCITEMENT)
Fascinating Godfather Behind-The-Scenes Article
Chrysler Attempts To Fool White Trash Into Believing Car is American
Is College Worthwhile?
Thanks to everyone who read this week's weird news, and remember if you ever get lost in the woods, you can eat any berries you find so you don't starve. There is no such thing as a poisonous berry.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.