Weird News & Links (Week of 01.31.10)

Weird News & Links - Lego People

Sorry to rush through this everybody, but I really have to hurry and get this intro done. My colostomy bag is leaking everywhere and the servant's mouths can only hold so much. I suppose that'll teach me to cheap on my taxes.

Here's what's going on this week in news: Kids biting cops, farmers building castles, paper shredders, and Walker: Texas Ranger.


WEIRD NEWS STORES OF THE WEEK

Police Destroy Mystical Powers of Magic Medicine Bag
An Oregon man claims in a lawsuit Idaho police destroyed the mystical powers of a medicine bag when they opened it during his drunken driving arrest in August. [The man] said the bag provided protection, [and] had been blessed by a medicine woman.
 
The suit seeks $25,000 in damages [and] also alleged he was persecuted for his religious beliefs and that his motorcycle was scratched by a drug-detection dog during a search. 
Disagree With My Take On American Idol? I Shall Stab & Burn You
Police said a St. Petersburg woman took a TV dispute too far Tuesday night when she stabbed and scalded her boyfriend over "American Idol.'' The couple [began] arguing over something that happened on the show when changed the channel to stop the argument. [The woman] kept arguing so "he decided, 'Well, I'll go to bed.'''

He awoke to [the woman] wielding a 10-inch butcher knife. She stabbed him five times in the back and twice in the chest, an arrest affidavit states. Police said she also severely burned [him] with hot cocoa.
Man Orders Children to Bite Police
Police in Colorado arrested a 28-year-old man accused of passing out in a McDonald's play area and telling his two children to bite the officers who were trying to arrest him. Colorado Springs police said officers had to use a Taser on [the man] to subdue him Wednesday after he allegedly passed out drunk at the fast-food restaurant.

Police said [he] refused officers' orders and at one point told his children to "bite the officers' faces off."
Awesome Principal Accidentally Sends Sarcastic Letter to Parents
An Arizona school principal who penned a sarcastic letter that chided parents for children who were either "too lazy or too stupid" to complete their assignments in class was suspended after the missive was mistakenly sent home.

"The math we do is really easy," said the letter from Litchfield Elementary School principal Ron Sterr. "If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I'm sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child's progress."

The letter sent home Jan. 26 with second graders also contained passages about students with peanut allergies and emotional problems stemming from puppy deaths. Sterr said Tuesday that he wrote the joke letter in response to caustic comments made by "an individual" and a teacher accidentally sent it home.
Farmer's Secret Castle Will Be Demolished
A British appeals court rejected a farmer's request to stop the demolition of a castle he secretly built on his property and concealed for four years.
 
Robert Fidler of Salfords, Surrey, said the castle, which includes a cannon and ramparts made from discarded grain silos, was completed in 2002. He said he hid it behind bales of straw for four years while he was living inside with his wife and son, Sky News reported Wednesday.

Fidler said he took away the castle's disguise in 2006 due to a planning law loophole granting enforcement immunity to buildings that have been complete for more than four years. However, the Reigate and Banstead Borough Council said removing the camouflage from the castle was a part of its construction and ordered it demolished.

SHITTY WEBPAGE OF THE WEEK

Weird News & Links - Voont
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK



PRODUCT OF THE WEEK

Weird News & Links - Paper Shredder
Fellowes C480 Paper Shredder - $1,599
Oh Jesus...the Fellowes Powershred C-480 provides superior performance for large offices with 10 or more users. And check this shit out: It features the exclusive Turborape Jam Release button to power through jams! Uuuuuunstoppable!

"But hey," you might say, "For 1600 bones sounds like a lot to pay for a paper shredder!" Well shows how much you know, dipshit. This ain't your daddy's paper shredder! Check it: Boom. Heavy duty 1.9 HP motor shreds 36-38 sheets per pass into 7/32" strips as fast as 750 sheets per minute. Double Boom. Durable steel cutters accept credit cards, staples, and small paper clips, while a designated safety slot accepts CDs. Tripple Boom. Extra wide 16" paper entry allows continuous feeding of 132-column paper. Hell yeah son! MOONSTER BOOOOM!

Oh and guess what else? It's got a 37.5-gallon pull-out wastebasket for easy waste disposal and auto start/stop for quick, convenient shredder operation. Shit yeah! Not to mention that it shuts off automatically and alerts operator when a jam occurs by emitting the sound of a small child's scream.

God I love it.

ALL CAPS CUSTOMER REVIEW OF THE WEEK

Walker Texas Ranger - The Final Season
Weird News & Links - Walker Texas Ranger Review
 

 
Hooray for everything!