Weird News & Links (Week of 11.29.09)

Cat Drives
Here's a quiz for you flyboy: Which character is famous for saying these phrases: "Somebody poisoned the waterhole!" "You're my favorite deputy!", and "There's a snake in my boot!"? If your answer was Woody from Toy Story, you'd be wrong! The answer is me. I say those things all the time. This is mostly due to the fact that I am a huge idiot who has nothing better to do than annoy the few friends and acquaintances he has left by randomly blurting out lines from children's films.

What does all this have to do with Weird News? Nothing at all, obviously. I just felt it had to be said.

And now the news.

Weird News of The Week

Swedish Man Gives up Attempts to Produce Breast Milk
A Swedish man who spent months attempting to pump milk from his breasts has given up on the failed attempt, his observers said.
Magnus Talib, a member of the editorial team for TV show Aschberg, which has been observing the progress of "Milkman" Ragnar Bengtsson, 26, said the young father's daily three-hour breast pumping failed to produce any milk, The Local reported Tuesday.

'Sling Blade' Fan Chases Neighbor With Lawnmower Blade
The neighbor told police he was watering his plants in the front yard when he looked up and saw Colgate approaching him with a lawn mower blade.The neighbor ran to the back of his house as Colgate chased him, shouting, "have you seen the movie Sling Blade' (expletive)?".

Officers took Colgate into custody as he asked them if they had seen the 1996 movie about a man released from an asylum that starred Billy Bob Thornton.

10,000 Albinos in Hiding From Bodypart Dealers
The mistaken belief that albino body parts have magical powers has driven thousands of Africa's albinos into hiding, fearful of losing their lives and limbs to unscrupulous dealers who can make [a fortune] selling a complete dismembered set.
"Wherever I go people start talking about me, saying that my legs and hands can fetch a fortune in Tanzania," said Owido, 36, a mother of six. "This kind of talk scares me. I am afraid of going out alone."

The report says the market for albino parts exists mainly in Tanzania, where a complete set of body parts - including all limbs, genitals, ears, tongue and nose - can sell for $75,000. Wealthy buyers use the parts as talismans to bring them wealth and good fortune.

Billboard Accuses News Anchors of Rape
The advertisement, for WPMI-TV in Alabama, showed the station's anchors, Greg Peterson and Kym Thurman, with their top weatherman Derek Beasley, alongside the latest headline and the words “Right now on Twitter”.

Unfortunately for the station, at one stage the top headline on Twitter read “Three accused of gang rape in Monroeville”, and the misleading juxtaposition was caught on camera by a passing motorist as he drove through Mobile, Alabama.

Rrrrr! Man Smash Talking Box With Hammer!
A man used a hammer to leave a path of destruction at a Target store in Winona. Police said the 39-year-old man smashed big-screen televisions and destroyed other electronics Saturday evening before taking a swing at an officer.

The Winona Daily News reported customers ran from the store as the man swung his hammer. One witness said the man had a "glazed look" in his eyes and was "walking like Frankenstein."

Man Dresses as Elf, Threatens Santa With Bomb
Authorities in Georgia said a man dressed as an elf was arrested for allegedly telling a mall Santa that he was carrying explosives. [The 45 Year-Old], got in line to have his picture taken with Santa Claus at the Southlake Mall at about 6:45 p.m. and allegedly told St. Nick that he was carrying dynamite in his bag, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Thursday.

Beloved Image of The Week

La Familia

Desperately Sad "Celebrity" Appearance Website of The Week

Hollywood Is Calling?

What is Hollywood Is Calling?
Hollywood Is Calling is a fantastic new service which allows you to purchase a live phone call, an email video greeting card or a telephonic personal appearance from your favorite celebrity

What types of messages can I have the celebrity leave?
You can have the celebrity leave a customized message that you've written for $29.95 or you can choose a standard message for $19.95. The following calls are currently available:
  • 15 Minute Live Psychic Consultation - $100
  • Tell My Wife I Love Her - $19.95 (NEW)
  • Congratulations On Your First Holy Communion - $19.95
  • Thanks For Allowing Me To Be Your Realtor - $19.95
  • Thank You For The Job Interview - $19.95 (NEW)
  • Invitation To A Date - $19.95 (NEW)
  • Marriage Proposal - $19.95 (NEW)
  • Congratulations On Winning The Big Game - $19.95
  • Message Of Unconditional Love From Your Family - $19.95

Can I specify the date the celebrity calls on?
No. The celebrity will call within approximately seven days of your order date at a day and time of their choosing.

What if I accidentally pick up the phone when it rings and it's the celebrity?
If you pick it up the phone the celebrity will still give you the message but they cannot wait while you turn the answering machine on or run to get the person the message is intended for. The call will automatically terminate in less than 30 seconds.

Can I put the celebrity on hold while I get the person I bought the call for?

What is the Invitation To A Date call order option?
Thinking about asking someone out on a date, but you're a little shy? Why not have a celebrity call and ask them if they'd like to go out with you?

This is completely real. SEE FOR YOURSELF if you don't believe me (also the front page has a special video message from Saved By The Bell's Mr. Belding).

Youtube Video of The Week


Product of The Week

Larry Somethingorother

I ask you: Who wouldn't pay three hundred dollars to have an awkward 20 minute phone conversation with the man who starred in such television shows such as The White Shadow and Home Improvement? Frankly I'm surprised they aren't charging 1000.

All Caps Amazon Customer Review of The Week 

Will Smith - Big Willie Style

Amazon Review
That's all for this week. Happy Easter everybody!

Photo Credits